The Butterfly and The Moth

10

Do you know who you are?

Not just the obvious parts, the simple things. Not just your name, where you grew up, or your favourite colour.

Do you know who you are? Not who your family thinks you are, not who your friends think you are. Do you know who you are?

Away from the crowds, away from society. Away from the prying eyes, away from the questions. Away from the rules.

When push comes to shove... do you know who you are?

To me, the question has never been— are you a good person, or a bad person? Instead, it's always been— do good things happen to you, or do bad things happen to you?

Do you know who you are? Do good things happen to you, or do bad things happen to you?

Are you a butterfly? Or, are you a moth?

My mind took a second before it registered what  exactly the rattling noises were. Currently, my mind was relaxing in the emptiness. It was basking in the emptiness, as if the emptiness was sun and I was vitamin D deficient. It took me a second, before I registered what was happening.

But, I wasn't scared, when my mind finally realized. If I had been home, in my ground floor apartment, I would have been. I would have jumped to my feet. I would have reached under my mattress, where I kept the dull steak knife that I never went to sleep without. I would have prepared my body, and my mind for a fight.

Because when I was there, I knew who I was. I was a person who had bad things happen to them.

I wasn't there. I was here. I was in my shiny new town. There were no monsters here. Or, maybe there were monsters here, but they weren't the kind of monsters I was scared of.

Instead, my mind was slow. It took its time before commanding my tired, almost asleep eyes to flutter open. I could barely see through the darkness, I had to let my eyes adjust. I squinted, finding the doorknob like I needed to confirm the noise for myself.

Sure enough, it was moving. Back and forth, back and forth, over and over again.

But, I wasn't scared. I was just annoyed.

I felt my chest push all the air out of my lungs, as if I needed to portray that annoyance through sound. I shook my head as I threw the blankets off my body, swinging my legs to the side of the bed as I sat up.

All the while thanking the universe that I plenty of experience with drunk people.

"Micheal?" I asked, my voice groggy and giving me an idea just how long I had been peacefully suspended between awake and asleep.

"Micheal?" I groaned again, and I pushed my feet onto the floor. The rattle of the doorknob stopped, but there was no answer.

"Jaylen?" I continued, my annoyance only pushing further through me. "Teddy? Whoever the hell it is! Daisy said you couldn't sleep here! There's only one bed and it's mine now."

I continued walking towards the door, my eyes slowing adjusting to the darkness that filled the room. I could see the outline of someone at the sheer door, and to my somewhat relief, it wasn't a gang of silhouettes. It was just one.

At least I wasn't going to have to shoo away all of Daisy's drunk friends. One was annoying enough.

I let a final exasperated breath roll through me as I shook my head, my annoyance reaching a peak inside me as I unlocked, and ripped open the door.

And instantly, my annoyance faded, and whatever nerves were hiding unseen to me beneath that annoyance, faded.

"Hey," Erik smiled at me.