I Wish [ManxMan]🦂

Stephen-02

I am back.

To the beginning.

To where everything started.

Maybe because I don’t know where else to go... Or maybe I just want him to see me. That I am okay. That whatever he kept me through.

This town kept me through hell. And now I am back. 

Why?

You need to get your life back. Start over. Find love again. 

You don’t have a heart.

You are an ex con

Who will love an ex con? Idiot that is.

It is hard to be here.

Everything a mess.

Everything screaming.

Everything silent.

Silence

The only language I am fluent in.

Then I hear him. Whispering. So much pain in his voice. So much emptiness. So much

Longing

At first, he was not crying. Not shouting.

He wants to be understood. Loved even. But whoever is in that room isn’t capable of that.

I hear from the way he lashes at him. The way he speaks to him. He is his possession. Not a  partner.
One  created an allusion, while the other believs its reality.

I know better.

I am the great illusion of myself

I wanted the wanting. Back in time, I wanted everything.

I got everything. Just not what I wanted.
Istead I got prison.

“please.” He says again. his voice so low. 

I walk closer to the balcon that connect our rooms. 
I can feel him.

Then,

Then he screams.

And before I know it, I am kicking the door and iside his room. Speaking words I don’t even know myself. Or where they came from. “leave my boyfriend room, before I turn your wedding into a funeral. I dare you.” My voice deep. Scary.

Even to myself.

Protective mode. I hate it

I claimed him. Am no different from the asshole standing  beside him

But

I cant breathe

I see him,

I see deep insde his soul that it scares the shit out of me.