Literature of Love

(7) Place to Start

I choked when someone suddenly spoke behind me. I almost forgot that it's Ryia's day off today and I'm not alone. Holding my chest, I looked behind and saw her grinning.

"Ryia!"

Sitting on the chair that is opposite to mine, she eyed me. "Who's that? Carter?"

Instead of answering her question, I spat at her. "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Why did he send you food?"

I groaned. Why do people are nosy?

"I don't know. He's being friendly."

"Friendly huh." She said then get a piece of chicken for herself, "What are your plans today? Video call with him? All day?" Ryia continues to tease me.

Annoyed, I reached to slap her hand. "Stop it! The three gossipers will be here later at 2."

Or so I thought. Because around 10:30, Mariette, Lisa, and Martin arrive. And Ryia immediately shares what she had heard earlier as we sat in a circle in the living room.

After finishing one movie, they all turn their attention to me. I mentally slap myself when I get what they want from me.

"You exchanged numbers?" Martin later on asked.

Glaring at Ryia who's now smiling slyly, I sighed and turn away to Martin. I saw how the four of them are gawking at me like I'm some kind of species that needs to be look at and whatever words will come through my lips will be something to look forward to.

"It was just on Instagram–"

"It took you a week to give me your number." Mariette complained while squinting her eyes.

I opened my mouth to explain, but Lisa also interjected.

"We added you on your social media accounts because we've been friends for days but you didn't even bother to add us."

"It's different–"

"How is it different? Why is it different?" Ryia's tone is really implying something.

I rarely open up to them about how I feel but seeing them here with me. Supporting me and never leaving my side, I decided to tell them something that maybe would let them understand.

"I met you guys while I'm dealing with something in my life." I started and I saw the four of them getting serious.

"Back before I went here, I've been the talk of the town. Especially my relatives."

"Elly..." Ryia trailed off, her eyes are asking me if I'm okay to talk about it.

I gave her a faint smile. I don't want to talk about it because I don't want people to pity me. I don't want them to see me as someone who's easily been swayed by my relatives' humiliation. Someone who's weak and can be easily destroyed.

"It was terrible. I wasn't able to graduate on time, I was late for a year. I cried for hours, days, and months. Because I only want my parents to be proud, but look at what I did. I procrastinate, they say. But it was not the case, I was pressured because I need to take care of my grandmother and study at the same time since it's just the two of us living together."

Unknowingly, my tears started to fall as I remember the things I have to go through. My friends didn't talk, they just patiently listen to me and I appreciate that very much.

"I was so tired, I wanna give up. Sometimes, the thought of ending my life would creep out but I don't entertain those thoughts. Even though it hurts me deeply, even if I feel like dying inside and losing myself. Because that's just who I am. I can't change it although I was hurt—"

I cried harder at that thought, I've never said those words to anyone. I never let myself breakdown, because I know that I will surely regret it after. I don't know why I am doing this, too.

All this time, I only have myself. I got friends, and close ones, but I don't feel safe. Thinking that they can betray me any moment.

"— I don't have a choice, but to accept everything. Thinking that maybe everything happens for a reason, that there's always something good in store for me after the pain yet there wasn't. I'm still that girl who's lazy and that who doesn't have a path in life. I'm not sure what I want to do, I don't know what to do with my life anymore."

Lisa cooed me in her arms, whispering words in the hope to soothe me. "Shh. It's okay, people will always have something to say against you."

"They're a bunch of idiots! If they don't see right through you, then they don't deserve any single attention from you." Martin claimed as he put his hands on top of mine.

I sniffed hard as I try to calm myself. I don't want to cry, I can't do it anymore. My heart hurts. It hurts a lot. I'm scared. I'm going to hyperventilate any moment now, my head is in turmoil but I still keep on with my words.

"After the humiliation, I decided to fly away. Leaving everything and everyone behind. Some may say that it's now in the past, but it's still there," I pointed at my chest where my heart is located. "I did everything, but it was still not enough for them. I have to go through living like I'm not really. My body is there, but my soul was buried a long time ago."

"Calm down, Elnora." I heard Ryia's cracked voice as she ordered Mariette to go and get a glass of water.

I can't do this. I'm so tired. I wish for this to end. I want to be at peace. I need to be somewhere

"I'm okay..." I whispered, trying to gather my thoughts. I breathe through my mouth and sometimes, just on my nose.

"Elly? Do you need something?" Mariette was panicking, but I held my hand to gesture that I'm fine.

"I just need a moment, sorry..."

My words slowly died as I lost consciousness, but not before hearing Carter's voice.

My head is pounding and my eyes are sore, I can hardly open them. I moved to grab something I can hold unto, but someone's hand caught mine.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

Carter's voice. What happened? Am I dreaming??

♡Altairythosia's
Hi everyone! I'm updating as much as I can these past few days because I'm planning to update just the first 10 chapters or maybe 15 or like 20. Idk, lol. I'm not sure if I would like to put this story as exclusive or non-exclusive since I was hoping to sign a contract on GoodNovel so please pray with/for me <3
Regardless of what may happen, I'll update you from time to time. Thank you! Much love to receive, mwa! ❤️

Ps. I've taken down this chapter since I need to do lots of editing, hopefully, I was able to correct all of the errors.
Enjoy reading!