Between two fires

16

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Sophie Fisher

To meet a boy. To fall in love with a boy. Being in love with a boy. Arguing with a boy. Being with a boy.

On whose chest I sleep. He soothes me with his up and down movements and runs into my hair with each kiss. His tongue dances in my mouth. His lips fit mine perfectly. His upper body is muscular. His arm is full of blood vessels. He wears a bracelet and a ring. Just tall enough. I feel safe wearing his hoodie. His red car reaches the finish line first. The crowd is happy, every Ferrari fan is happy. He raises the trophy high and lets his teammate shower him with champagne. I am happy together with the mechanics. He looks at me and winks at me. I feel my heart jump out of place. The anthem plays and he puts his hand over his heart. Proud. He is very proud and it suits him well. He knows that this day is only his and no one can take it away from him. He then walks off the podium straight to me. He grabs my waist and pulls me close and kisses me. A soft sigh follows as he releases me. People are clapping and it jolted us out of our sleep. Later it's just us on our way home. Then it rains again. He is already asleep, covered with dark blue sheets. I can't dream. I'm worried. I'm worried about someone else...I've never been so afraid of love. After all, I finally have everything I wanted. I have the boy next to me who has been the desire of all my dreams until now. But what about the little boy I shared every secret with? Where did I leave him? What happened to us? Why did I do this to him? He deserves more than that,  so me and Arthur too.Basically, I hurt him unintentionally. With the fact that Charles was the love of my life, with the fact that I let myself be seduced by an older, more mature relationship, with the fact that I also lost myself...
I lost the obliviously happy girl I had always been. When I played with their son when I was little...When mom braided my hair and Arthur laughed at me for it while Charles looked all over me and turned his back on me....That was me....I was always hurt by Charles
Who do I want to lie to anymore? Maybe for myself? Or my parents? Or the boys? We are starting to be the ones who were really born to be together for those 3 months, because the parents can stand each other. It's funny how you have to live in the 20s. Funny how we still use each other...

Charles moved. He pulled me next to him. I kissed his forehead. I ran my hand along his upper body and then caressed him. He was restless. He was so restless, as if he knew what would be waiting for us...

...

After the Belgian Grand Prix, we will return together to the heart of Monaco. But as it was supposed to happen, Charles and I started living in a small apartment. It was on the 6th floor in a place where I visited every day when I was on vacation here. Arthur and I often walked past this huge building. We've played here a lot, but I never thought this would happen. That is, that me and Charles are going to live together or something like that. We started the day immediately at the Leclerc residence, where I told Pascal everything. Of course, there were some parts that I didn't tell the woman, but when Pascale looked at us, she immediately knew that the air between us was glowing. I smiled because I was happy. I smiled because Charles was mine.

However, it wasn't long before I ran into Arthur again

- Hi - I greeted him but he didn't even look at me
- What is that? Will this be it now? Won't you even notice me?

- For what? You are invisible to me - he said and ran up the stairs

My heart sank. My stomach too. I felt emotionally weak. However, Pascale quickly came to my side and grabbed my shoulder

- Arthur will calm down! -  She told

- He never will. He hates me., - I said and lowered my head. The first tears appeared on my face...

- He loved you very much -  Pascale said softly

- I know. That's why I feel bad. He was disappointed in me...And I, too, in myself

- Come on Sophie! Are you happy! I know you are! You know, I knew since you were very young that one of my sons would be the first to be by your side. I trusted that. Every day when you were here, I saw how the boys were enchanted. They both adore you. Both boys would give their lives for you. They're just different....They're both quite sensitive, but you know...So...Arthur is my younger child. He is the most sensitive. Charles, on the other hand, is already an adult. He wants to act like an adult. He wants to be like his father, even if he doesn't understand that it's not that easy. Charles needs a prop. For a person who is next to him. He has been hurt a lot in life. He was very disappointed...I don't want...I just don't want him to get in trouble again. He wouldn't be able to stand up from that.

It was then that I made a promise to Pascale Leclerc. I promised that I would always take care of her sons...
But no one promised me that they would take care of me...

....

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