My Golden Blues

🎈 ambiguous resolve

I'm sorry.

I'm too cowardly for love. Only the brave could persevere its end, until the exit of the labyrinth.

I'm too cowardly for rejection,
I'm too cowardly for abandonment,

I can't, but I am.

I say I am always brave to try again, but the cloud of thought of impossible hangs biggest in my mind, occupying, fogging out my courage to permit you to stay.

I say I have always been in love, but the route I took was the universal emotion that was easiest to give and take.

I say it's okay, but shelves of novel-thick excuses make it's way, in a row with an unseen end, hoping I would read them one by one, it is tiring.

I say I could never give up, but the mere idea of someone stepping beyond the lines of my comfortable sends a wave of cold air from head to toe, I shiver. I shiver at the thought of someone taking a step closer than an arm's length.

What I say and do, what I think and happens, an irony, paradox, ambiguous decisions, in this labyrinth of thoughts, I wish to escape.

I know the answer, yet I cannot swallow it.

When directions points only one way, I hesitate.

When I see only one sign, they multiply, and I am Alice, lost, in pursuit of the thing I'm most curious of.

— Pudding Emperor ⚓

A/N
I really love Alice in wonderland so I slipped her in the end. This piece is inspired with the idea of being afraid to love/relationships because of the rejection in the end.