Lavender [h.s]

Chapter 50 ✰ Strangers ✰

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"I'm stuck here with you.
Tell me it gets easier."

☆ ,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:☆ ,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:

Easier by Mansionair

Sometimes in regrettable flashes, I wish to block all bad emotions out. I wish to forget chunks of time, completely erase whole entire moments from my life.

But I know that's not what I would really want.

I actually fear about forgetting about those moments. I'm scared I'll forget all of my moments really.

I'm talking about the small ones.

I'm talking about the first time I glanced over to Harry just to see him already looking at me.

Or talking with Drew over FaceTime first thing in the morning while we eat our breakfast together in two separate apartments.

Harry painting my nails.

Dancing with Jax in a foggy underground club.

Harry gently grabbing my face for a soft kiss while we're having sex.

All of the small, drunk, blurry memories that will become my 20s. Cold leftovers, pretty lights and cool parties, rooftops, the noise of the city, uncomfortable shoes, all things that will one day remind me of being young.

It's an indescribable feeling knowing that you're in a phase of your life that you'll one day miss.

And I'm scared I'll forget it.

So I journal. In hopes that in ten years from now I'll be able to read back on seemingly normal days of being 20, of exactly what I was feeling. Maybe I'll be able to show it to my kids one day, or do a cool biography when I'm super rich and famous.

Maybe I'll be married to Brad Pitt or something, and I'll write a book about my life. This journal is going to be useful then.

Or maybe, I'll keep it locked in my closet buried in a box with dust collecting over it. Whenever I get a chance from the simple life I've built for myself, I'll open it up again and read about Harry and I.

I'll read about all the small moments I've forgotten about.

I'll read about how hopeful we all were, how much fun we had making music, and it'll make me smile.

So even though, I fight the urge to burn this book every day, I know it will be worth it.

Because even though I know there's some things I'll never forget, like that specific shade of green. Or the smell of my floral perfume that will always remind me of this stage of my life, or the sound of Niall's laugh, or the ashy blonde of Jax's hair, or Drew's welcoming hugs, I know I will forget things.