Felix and Warren (boyxboy)

Twenty-six

It was about twenty minutes later when the front doorbell rang, and Wynn went to answer it.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi," Warren said. He suddenly felt out of place. Would Felix even want him here? God. He was an idiot.

"Come in," Wynn said.

She led Warren up to Felix's bedroom.

Warren thought Felix's room looked much like he had imagined it to. It was relatively tidy, but not completely spotless, and there was a reptile tank on one of the tables where his pet snake was sleeping.

"What happened, Felix?" Warren whispered.

Felix turned in his bed, but he remained asleep.

Warren went to sit down at the foot of Felix's bed and Wynn went to get him some coffee.

If Warren had to guess, he would say that Felix's favourite colour was blue. His bedsheets were dark blue, and his plants were in light blue plant pots. He smiled at that thought. It almost allowed him to feel less horrified about the sight of Felix sleeping with his arms all bandaged up.

Warren had to do some training on basic first aid when he had been in boys scouts a long time ago. He remembered some of what he had learnt, so he was able to check that Felix's bandages were good enough for the injuries that he had sustained.

"I put antiseptic on the cuts," Wynn said, as she reappeared in Felix's room and set down two coffees on his bedside table. "I also went through his drawers and flushed his stash so he's probably going to want to kill me when he gets up, but-"

Warren shook his head.

"You probably did the right thing," he said.

Wynn relaxed a little. She was glad at least one person thought so.

"Thank you," she said. "It's been hard, just the two of us. I am-" she cut off. "I'm really glad that he has you, Warren."

"Of course," Warren replied. He wasn't going anywhere. Warren remained calm because he knew that Wynn was struggling right now, so was Felix, and somebody had to be. "Are you doing alright?" he asked. His voice was so caring that Wynn's eyes blurred with tears.

"I'm really trying to be," she admitted. "It's not Felix's fault, of course it's not but I just wish that-"

"You knew how to help him when he was hurting like this? Me too," Warren replied. He could understand. "Have some coffee," he added, as he passed it to her.

"Thank you," Wynn said again, as she took a sip.

Felix woke up a couple of minutes after that and looked between Wynn and Warren.

"What's he doing here?" he asked. "He doesn't need to see me like this."

"It's too late for that, unless you want me to go and somehow erase my memories," Warren joked.

Felix shook his head. It was hard to stay mad at Warren because, well, he was Warren.

"No, of course not. I'm glad you're here," Felix said. "I'm just sorry that your first time in my house is on such shitty circumstances."

It was Warren's turn to shake his head.

"No circumstance involving you is ever a bad one," Warren said. "I just want to understand."

"Can you give us a minute, Wynn?" Felix asked her.

Wynn nodded her head understandingly and made her way out of the room.

"I feel so alone," Felix said. He felt so pathetic.

Warren didn't look as though he thought Felix was pathetic, though. He looked as though he was willing to listen to anything that he had to say. His expression was compassionate. It always was. Warren cared about him, which made Felix hurt more, for some reason. He couldn't have him, but he was everything that he had ever wanted.

"You're not alone and I will stay here for as long as is needed for you to understand that, Felix. I will always be here for you. I love you," Warren said.

"Don't say that," Felix said. His eyebrows creased together. He didn't want to hear this.

Warren felt his heart tear a little, but he ignored the feeling.

Felix was wide awake now, but he really didn't want to be. There was too much going on inside his mind. He wished he could switch it all off. He often felt that way.

Warren gave a nod of his head.

"Alright," he said.

"I did the wrong thing. I keep doing the wrong thing. I keep hurting Wynn and most days I think she would be better off without me," Felix said.

Warren tensed. He didn't feel good about hearing any of this.

"No thanks to me. Her life would be so much easier without me in it, and so would yours," Felix said bluntly.

Warren felt his blood heat up.

"Don't fucking say that," he said.

"If I had wanted you here right now, Warren, I wouldn't have left your fucking house, would I? Now, run along. Go home to your perfect life," Felix said. He didn't mean it. He didn't mean it at all, but now that he had started, he just couldn't seem to stop.

"Fuck you."

The words were out of Warren's mouth before he could stop them.

"I wish you would," Felix muttered in irritation, as Warren started to leave his room.

Warren whipped around and walked towards Felix's bed and pulled him closer to him by the collar of his shirt.

"What the fuck is your problem, eh?" he asked.

Felix smiled, as though amused by something. He was being an asshole and he was well-aware of it. He just couldn't seem to stop now that he had started. That was the way it worked with him. He had to drive away everyone that could ever get close to him.

"I wish I could give you a straight answer for that, but I don't know," Felix said. "Maybe it's because I'm an Aries."

"I'm being serious, you ass," Warren muttered, but he couldn't disguise the subtle amusement in his eyes.

"Don't you have some girlfriend to go and talk to or something, Warren? Why do you waste so much time with me-"

"I don't have a girlfriend and it's not wasting time. I'm here because I want to be here, not because I have to be here. I don't have to be here and right now, you're making me really not want to stay," Warren said.

"Then go," Felix said. His eyes narrowed. His arms were burning. He wanted to die, but his heart was pumping in his chest with Warren's proximity and in some very problematic sense, he supposed he had never felt more alive. "You're a smart person. You deserve more than me. So, go," he said.

"You're such a beautiful mess, you know that?" Warren sighed.

Felix's eyes widened in surprise.

"What?" he asked.

Warren shook his head.

"Call me when you're feeling better," Warren said. This was self-preservation. He needed to get out of there. His blood was practically boiling inside his body. He needed some fresh air to get to his brain before it exploded under the weight of his many, many complicated thoughts.

Warren knew that he had said too much, but he didn't care.

He turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

He couldn't live with Felix, but he also couldn't imagine a world without him in it. He meant entirely too much to him at this point and nothing could possibly change that, and that made Warren's heart feel as though it was on the verge of exploding. However, he would not fall. He had to stay strong. It wasn't as though he would never speak to Felix ever again, but right now the two needed some time apart. He couldn't save Felix from himself. When he got home, those words rang in his head, and he collapsed by the front door. Tears burned his eyes. His heart suddenly felt incredibly heavy. He couldn't save him.