Felix and Warren (boyxboy)

Twenty-three

Cleo soon left the kitchen, as she had to do some studying for her upcoming exams.

Felix and warren needed to study, too, in all honesty, but Warren was going to leave that until Felix had returned home.

Now that he was staying with him, Warren didn't really want to think about Felix going back home. He enjoyed his company too much to consider anything else.

"Are you alright, Felix?" Warren asked him.

Felix had a lot on his mind.

"Fine," he said.

They were just thoughts that he didn't want to share with Warren. He wasn't sure that he would ever be ready to share them with him.

Felix knew he had a lot of exams to study for, too, but he didn't have a clue where to start. He had put off revision for so long now that he wasn't even sure how he could revise.

He used to come top of his classes, but everything had changed when he had lost his parents. His motivation for anything had died along with them, but things were different, now. He had Warren.

"I feel like you're holding back," Warren said.

Felix sighed.

"Can we study together at some point?" he asked.

He couldn't believe what he was saying, but he supposed it was a good step forward.

The creases in Warren's forehead disappeared. He seemed less worried, now.

"'Course we can," he said.

That made Felix feel much better.

"I'm not exactly good with planning for my future," Felix said.

He supposed that, for a long while, he wasn't even sure he would make it this far.

Losing his parents hadn't been the catalyst for the way that he felt right now. He believed it had been building up over time and he hated it, but it wasn't quite so bad anymore. He knew he wasn't alone. Not really.

"My dad used to tell me often enough," he continued.

"Did you get on with him?" Warren asked. He hoped he wasn't saying too much. He didn't want to bring the subject up if it was going to hurt Felix, but he was curious.

"Occasionally," Felix answered simply. "But I hated it when he told me what he thought I was bad at."

"That's understandable," Warren replied. A glint of compassion became present in his gaze and Felix felt a little more relaxed.

Warren wasn't going to judge him. He hadn't before, anyway.

Felix felt as though it was okay for him to open up to him. He hadn't experienced that before. He had always shut himself down and tried to forget the way that he was feeling, but Warren caused him to face his feelings. Sometimes it was difficult, for sure, but it also had its benefits. Felix didn't feel quite so trapped inside of his own mind anymore.

"I hated fighting with him," Felix said. "But honestly today I would give anything to fight with him again. I would have a hundred arguments with him, if it meant that he was still here, but then if he was still here now, I don't think I would even have reason to argue with him. He was my dad, and I was a shitty son, I was..." he felt his eyes burning. What was happening to him?

Warren rushed over to him and wrapped his arms around him.

"I'm sorry," Warren whispered.

"Why are you apologising?" Felix sniffed. "It's not your fault."

"It's not yours, either!" Warren replied, as he met Felix's gaze with a meaningful expression upon his face. "You couldn't know, Felix. You couldn't know what was going to happen. Life is never going to be perfect. I should know...I've tried so long doing everything I could to make it perfect but...there's beauty in the imperfection and strength can be found in having your heart broken."

Felix felt as though his heart was shattering all over again. He had never really processed his grief properly. That was becoming more apparent every single day.

"Do you want to take a walk again?" Warren asked, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"I'd like that," said Felix. He needed to take his mind off all of this and more importantly, he needed to stop crying. He felt like a kid all over again.

Warren smiled.

Felix thought that Warren was far calmer than he could ever be. He just seemed so steady and stable, and it made Felix feel comfortable in his presence. He had felt as though he had been sailing on a rocky sea for so long now, but perhaps the shore was finally in sight.

The two boys made their way out of the house and started to walk through Warren's family garden.

Eventually they stopped nearby a bench and sat down upon it.

Warren felt anxious to do something to help Felix feel better, but he didn't know where to start.

"Felix, is there anything I can do?" he asked.

"You don't have to do anything, just being here helps," Felix said.

Warren's shoulders relaxed. He smiled a kind smile.

"You can stay here as long as you like," Warren said. It was generous of him, once again.

"I don't think your parents would like that-"

"They wouldn't mind," Warren said.

They wouldn't mind because they would just assume that Felix was a friend. Well, he was a friend, but they wouldn't have any reason to think any differently because they didn't have any idea that their son was gay, too.

"I care about you so much, Felix," Warren said, as he held Felix's gaze. His voice had a serious tone to it, so Felix knew he could believe every word. "It's going to be okay," he said calmly.

Felix felt like crying again. He really wasn't sure what had gotten into him.

"Thank you," he managed to say.

"I love you, dude," Warren said. He really did. He wasn't sure of how deep that love went yet, but he knew that it was there. He felt it in his chest. It was a feeling that wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

"I'm glad we have each other. I'm glad we don't fight. We just... it's peaceful with you," Felix replied. He didn't feel used to having people tell him he loved him, so he honestly wasn't sure what else to say.

"You were a good son, Felix. I have no doubt about it. They would be proud of you," Warren said.