Church, Caboose and Tucker are standing over Church's body.
Church: I am not happy about this.
Caboose: I have an idea. ...I HAVE AN IDEA!
Tucker: Yeah, we heard you the first time, Caboose, we were just ignoring you.
Caboose: Since you possessed that Red guy, and took control of him, why don't you just possess your own body?
Church: Oh I see, so that way I would be living inside of my own dead body.
Caboose: Yes.
Church: Unable to move, just, laying there, rotting in the sun for all eternity.
Caboose: Yes.
Church: Okay, Caboose, I'll be sure to get right on that.
Caboose: I think you are a mean ghost.
Tucker: Dude, you really stink.
Church: What?
Tucker: Your body, it stinks.
Church: Tucker, the first chance we get, you are going to bury my body.
Tucker: Quit your bitching, nothing's going to happen to it.
Church: It's a freaking indignity! My body fought hard for this army, and it deserves to be laid to rest.
Tucker: Get over it, you're already dead. What's the worst that could happen now?
Caboose: Hey, Church, look, birds! Why are they flying around in circles?
Church: (sigh) Nuh, God.
At Red Base
Grif: Okay, I'll go again. I spy something.. that begins with...
Simmons: Dirt.
Grif: Damn! How did you-
Simmons: Well, because you did rock last time. That's all that's out here, is rock and dirt.
Grif: Yeah, this canyon sucks.
Mateo: (annoyed) Then go shoot some fucking rocks if you two are that bored! Lazy asses!
Grif: Why don't you go play with your toys?
Simmons: And your tools and mind your own damn business!
Mateo: Did you bastards just belittle me?
Grif: Maybe we did maybe we didn't-
Mateo shoots Grif with his Battle Rifle.
Grif: AAAAHHHHH!
Mateo: DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME AGAIN!!!
Simmons: Rivera stop!
Mateo: Fuck off with you, Simmons!
Sarge comes to the top of Red Base.
Sarge: Enough!
Mateo: But Sarge-
Sarge: No buts! That's not the way we deal with teammates here.
Grif: Oh thank God!
Sarge: This is!
Sarge takes out his shotgun and fires at Grif.
Grif: OW! You assholes!
With Blue Team, Tucker and Church watch Tex fix the tank from the cliff's edge. Caboose is behind Tucker looking through the sniper rifle.
Church: How long do you figure until Tex fixes the tank?
Tucker: Not much longer. She said it's going pretty well. The gun's almost working, and then she'll get it moving again.
Church: (sarcastic) Oh, that's just fantastic.
Tucker: Why would that upset you?
Church: Because as soon as she gets the tank online, she's gonna use it against the Reds, and they're all gonna die.
Tucker: The Reds dying is a good thing.
Church: No, Tucker, it's not a good thing. As soon as we beat the Reds, Tex is outta here. And I still haven't figured out a way to get that A.I. out of her head.
Caboose: A.I. ...
Church: Shut up, Caboose. And if I don't get it out before she leaves...
Tucker: If she leaves you won't ever find her again.
Church: Right.
Tucker: So what're you gonna do?
Church: I guess I'm gonna do the only thing that I can do. I have to warn the Reds before she fixes the tank.
Tucker: You're switching sides?
Church: Sorry, guys. I don't have much choice.
Caboose: Church, uh, wha-what happens when the Reds out here.. to stop Tex, and then they come also with guns and they find us..?
Church: I'll try to help you as best I can. Good luck, guys.
Church fades away.
Caboose: Does this mean I should try to kill Church now?
Tucker: I tell you what: kill me. I promise not to come back.
Caboose: Hey! LOOK AT THIS. (focusing on Donut)
Tucker: No.
Caboose: They have A GIRL. They have a girl!
Tucker: A what?
Caboose: A girl, a girl! Look! Pink armor!
Tucker: Oh man, how come they get a girl?
Tex: (from below them) Uh, you guys realize that I'm a chick, right? And that I'm standin' right here?
Tucker: Yeah, Tex, but when we say a girl, we mean a girl-girl.
Tex: And what the hell does that mean?
Caboose and Tucker: (backing up from the edge of cliff, out of Tex's sight) Nothing!
Tucker: Wait a second. If Tex heard that, do you think she heard Church's secret plan to warn the Reds about her?
Caboose: I don't know... but I think I know how to find out.
Caboose steps back up to the edge, looking down at Tex
Caboose: Hey...! Tex! Uh... Did you hear Church's secret plan to tell the Reds that you were fixing the tank?
Tex turns back to the tank then Caboose backs up to join Tucker.
Caboose: I don't think she knows. (fade to black) ...Unless she can read minds... She can't read minds, can she? ...Can you hear what I'm thinking?
YOU ARE READING
Why Am I Here? (Red Vs Blue)
FanfictionAn 18 year old signs up for military service, and gets shipped off to somewhere he's never been or heard of before. A hot canyon with a bunch of idiots inside.