helpless (Lams)

The Great Religion Debate

. . .

JOHN LAURENS

SUNDAY, JULY 3

"You want some coffee?" I asked Alex, jumping on the counter, and moving to start the coffee maker. 

He knitted his brows together in vexation and cracked his knuckles, his red hair falling in front of his face. "What were they joking about?" he wondered as he rested his cheek on his hand.

Eliza and Angelica backed away slowly, not wanting to be a part of the coming conversation. I flashed a pleading look toward Maria L. (I finally got it–Maria L. wears red and Maria C. has the big purple scrunchie on her wrist) or whoever, who just shrugged and ducked out of the kitchen and followed the other two girls to God knows where

"Well," I hesitated, scratching the back of my head. "When two adults love each other very much–"

Alex cut me off by snorting. "John, I know what sex is. I'm not an idiot. You really thought I was a virgin?" he quipped. "Look," he pointed at me. "John thought I was a virgin!"

Maria L. cautiously peeked back into the kitchen, and cocked an eyebrow. "You thought Alex was a virgin?"

"He gives off virgin energy!" I gasped.

"No," Maria said. "He gives off bottom energy, there's a difference." She shook her head. "I can't believe you thought Alex was a virgin."

"Now that you say it, definitely bottom energy, but I just thought he didn't know anything, not that he was really that oblivious to your joke."

"I am not a bottom," Alex said with a glare. He lifted his chin. "I get all the bitches."

"Oh, yeah," Maria said, nodding, with a smirk. "Alex gets all the bitches."

"Yeah?" I asked. "Got a boyfriend?" He paused, and looked down. "Girlfriend?" I corrected, remembering him claiming he was straight. Obviously, he wasn't, but I didn't know his story, so I figured I'd be respectful.

He bit his lip, and then plastered a smile on his face. "I like making my way around. You know," he said, and went to lean on the counter, but missed and almost fell. He straightened up, fixing his shirt. "Playing the field."

"I thought you were a firm believer in monogamy," Maria pointed out.

Alex scoffed, and waved her off. "I said that? I don't think I said that."

"Whatever happened to 'These legs are only spreading for Yahweh'?" she ribbed.

"First of all, you're not supposed to say it out loud–His name is considered too holy to speak and therefore it's sinful. Show some damn respect." Alex jabbed a finger at her. "And second of all, I said Hashem, not..." he trailed off, opening his mouth and closing it again. "That. I'm a good Jew."

"You're Jewish?" I asked.

He nodded proudly, then reached into his shirt and pulled out a silver chain with the Star of David hanging from it. "This was my mom's," he beamed, holding it up.

"It's beautiful," I said.

"Are you religious?" Alex asked.

I thought for a moment, and then shook my head. "No, I don't think so. My dad was kind of an asshole and shoved religion down our throats. I guess I just didn't want to deal with that. Going to church and believing in a higher power just seems ridiculous to me."

"Same for me, too," Maria said. "Except I was never raised in a religious household, so I didn't get all that Jesus talk, and let's say our prayers, and shit like that." She shrugged. "But I've never been interested in learning any type of religion."