Anamnesis of a Love's Eclipse (COMPLETED)

CHAPTER 30

ZILLA

Countless years after the events, yet the deep wound remains—it still aches, is excruciating each time it is held, and blood still drips. I guess I should have moved on since then, but I just can't seem to do so. I'm not sure how I'll get through it. I'm just not sure how I'm going to run away from him. I'm still tormented by the past. Our shared memories are still vivid.

Everyone else eventually returns, but why not him?

I recall the long lonely nights, however he made me forget about it. I got to rest next to him so I needn't to feel empty. I waited as I wished to be around him for the long haul. I swore I'd be around him throughout sickness and health, peaks and troughs, thick and thins, laughter and suffering. But I was unable to do so. A promise that wasn't fulfilled. And I've always felt sorry, I failed to keep those promises.

But, if I could travel back in time, on that certain day, then I would've never chosen to leave his arms. I'd never let go of his hand if he has told me. I would not have gone through such misery which never fades away. But, I guess, let's just cheers to the pain that just hasn't fallen by the wayside.

He will never ever be with me again as he preferred to be around Him—in His paradise.

But now here I am, penning him a message. I'm secretly hoping he will be able to read these words out loud someday.

I'm missing you. I love you beyond death. I'm always on the search for you, still hopeful you'd answer. Throughout celebrations, I make wishes for every candles. At night drinking, I'm secretly wishing upon such stars. At 11:11 PM, I'm longing for you. Deny the reality that it's unimaginable and I seem feeble and forlorn, but I'd still lose each wish for you.

And honestly, I would rather be with you again, whether that's here on this world or perhaps in another one. The point is, I want to take your hand in mine once again. I do want to enjoy your gentle embrace over again. I really want to see your smiles then again. All I want is to be perfectly happy with you once longer.

Because without you, no life will be worthwhile. If you will not plaster my smiles, it will never be beautiful. If it isn't because of you, a good laugh will never be heartfelt. If you aren't going to be the remedy for this wound, it will never mend. If you're not here along with me, I will never again be myself.

So, here's me, falling asleep on these evergreens you've seeded, gazing up at the stunningly beautiful evening sky filled with spectacular stars, praying I would wake up next to you even if it tends to mean having to wake up in His paradise too.

Aella walked into my hall and asked, "Zilla. What are you up to?"

I simply smiled as I sat in silence to stop writing, fold it up, made it fade away, and kept it hidden.

"Are you trying to send him a letter once again?" Aella questioned me.

I merely nodded and smiled a little.

"Aunt Zilla, why do you look so melancholic again?" Kiah questioned.

As she approached and took my hand, I turned to face her.

"Take a glance, I'm looking happy. I'm not sad, darling Kiah." I tried to assure her, trying to put her at comfort.

"You can't just lie to my daughter you know. She could see through you." Aella said, prompting me to look at her.

Yeah sure, a good deal of time has passed. Lord Haniel and Aella were married and had a child named Kiah. I'm overjoyed for them. For a while, as I witness them having a great time, I am able to temporarily forget about the grief of the earlier days.