Let You Go

5

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Jungkook P.O.V

'Am I'm in love with lisa or I never loved Eunha?' My own thoughts makes me scared. How can I think that I start to love lisa? How can I forgot her real face behind that facade? How can I forgot that because of her I have to sacrifice my love of my life and make her my bride. Jeon Jungkook how could you doubt your own feelings for Eunha? How could you compare her and Eunha? They are totally different from eachother and incomparable. Jeon Jungkook keep inside your fucking  brain that you only love Eunha...yes only Eunha.

I was thinking deeply while approaching towards lisa but my foots suddenly halted by Lisa's heart breaking cry. She was crying and speaking her heart out under the heavy rainfall infront of her mom tomb.

"Mom why did you left me alone? Why didn't you take me with you and leave me behind with those selfish bastards? Mom I'm so alone, I feel so lonely, I feel so scared."

"Mom today is my 25th birthday but no one wish me 'Happy birthday', no one brought my favourite cake, no one give me my birthday gift, no one planned surprises for me. Mom why there is no one to remember my birthday?"

"Mom do you know that how happy I used to be in my birthday but today I'm sad, I'm hurt, I'm not happy at all ..... It's not because no one remembered my birthday it's because my love of my life, my husband, your son in law questioned my love for him, he doubted my true love for him and I don't know how to prove it. Mom he said just because I love him it doesn't mean he felt loved by me. Mom please tell me how should I prove my love to him....Should I cut my wrist or Should I jump from the cliff ? Or should I kill myself so that he will know how much I love him?

Mom I never dare to show my weak, fragile and clingy side infront of him because I'm afraid that he will despised me more. I never show how much his poisonous words hurt me I always acted and tried to be strong but at the end my heart is also same as others it also ache, it also feels pain."

"Mom are you seeing this ring this ring is given by jungkook and for the first time this ring is suffocating me, this ring makes me hate myself even more. And you know why? Because Eunha said that I'm his personal slut with ring on my finger." 

"Mom why everyone wants to make fun of me? Why everyone hates me? Am I that much worthless to be loved?  Mom sometimes I really feels tired of living, tired of each and everything but still I want to live because I was truly hoping that one day Jungkook will also reciprocate my feelings but it seems like it was just my wishful thinking. And it also doesn't matter to me if he doesn't reciprocate my feelings because my love alone is enough for both of us. But now my all hopes are burning by his poisonous words, by his selfless love to Eunha.
 

Mom today Jungkook said me I'm nothing for him. He said he will not be bothered even if I die one day. Mom now I'm really afraid that if I die one day there will no one to collect my corpse, no one will be there to cry because I'm dead, no one will be there to miss me because I left them."

"Mom... I'm... really....really...afra.." She fainted.

My foots were sticked there only as if it was sticked by some glue. When I heard lisa words I felt like my world stop, my breath hitched, my chest felt a sharp pain which I can't describe and I don't know why? The lisa who is kneeling infront of her mom's tombstone crying and speaking and totally oblivious of presence is so different and so strange to me. Now I'm confused once again. I'm confused which is real lisa and which is facade. It'll be lie if I said my heart didn't ached when I listened her each and every words she spoke. My heart felt such a sharp pain like thousands of knife stabbed my heart at once. My cheeks are feeling something warm which is rolling downwards but I don't know whether it's tear or it's rain.

I really forgot that today is her birthday and she have to face like that in her birthday. I really want to say that it's all my fault and I'm sorry but I can't even take out the single words from my mouth as if my mouth was totally sealed.

Her each and every words overwhelmed my heart by sad feelings. And I'm standing 7 foots behind her doing nothing except clenching my fist and watching her crying and complaining. Seeing her crying so miserably I want to go there immediately and give a tight hug but I can't take myself to there.

I know she never failed to be a good wife and I also know that she'll be a good mother too but I can't fulfilled it. And for the god sake i never looked her as my personal slut I maybe hate her to the core but I never once in my life looked her as a cheap as slut.

And when I heard the last words I felt like hitting myself hardly. I cursed myself that why didn't I speaked without thinking properly. All the words that I said in the hospital were not real i spoke in a fit of anger and now I'm regretting so much.

Lalisa if you love me that much then why didn't you said me clearly before my engagement with Eunha? Why did you play such a dirty game with me or it's me who is misunderstanding everything? Lalisa why are you making my heart confuse again and again?

Lalisa who are you? Which is your real you?

Double update 🤭
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Sorry if there is any spelling or grammatical mistakes. I feel so sleepy rn and I didn't rechecked after completing writing.

Thankyou 😊
Good night 🌌
Rest well:)