They were 9 and it felt right the way it was.
"I'm not perfect and I know you all know this. But you make me feel worth it, make me feel that what I give to you is more than enough. Thank you for making yourselves a part of my life. I love you Stray...
So who were they without conscience? Were they more human or less?
Nobody spoke in their group chat. Maybe it was the denial or the black hole of her taking all things important. But he knew, whatever state he was in right now, the others were in their own spaces of chaotic response to grief.
"Would it be mean of me to mention how my family and I were planning to ask you to come back here for the burial? We didn't push through with it... and I know there's no sense in telling you because it'll hurt you more. I'm sorry..."
It was his dream that tore him and Auerum. His dissatisfaction to being just a producer caused him to work longer hours to balance his title and idol training. Ultimately, it was the girl next door who saw clearer than he. And she knew he prioritized whatever was laid before him versus her hand kept cold waiting for his kiss. And now... even in her death, it was his dream to make a legacy with his soulmates that hindered him from being there as they laid her to rest.
He was selfish enough without her. How more can he be now that she was gone?
"Eomma would get so mad at me for being so... blunt with you. Saying things unnecessary. But, I'm hurting oppa and you remind me of unnie too much. And she was always the one to hold me when I'm in pain."
He wanted to laugh, how could he, an idol far away from most of his loved ones, reminder this child of a girl who was a true carer? What analogy made that work in her mind? Or was it her heart that operated and gave her passes to be illogical?
"... I won't ask more from you, Leon oppa. You're hurt as it is... and her letter will break you more because she has her way with words. And I'll leave it at that. I sent the letter to you and... whatever happens after, I want you to know she loved you."
He didn't know why Jia kept repeating how Aerum loved him. Yes, in one moment they thought they'll love each other the most but it didn't work out. So they were sent different people. He was given his eight loving boyfriends, and she was blessed with Jay. So why did it matter that she loved him most?
To the man I love most Leon the Lion,
You'll say it wasn't supposed to end this way, but it has, my galaxy. I know another grief to your heart won't do you any good. In the miles of distance, I have seen you break at Ash's passing. The way your fear has increased for those you love. How you ponder if it was okay to continue when someone was not granted the chance to prolong a legacy they deserved. You know Ash better than others though, Leon, that's why you continued on. And now as I say a goodbye I can never say in person, I want you to remember me and know what I want for you. And that is to continue, chase the world for me, make a legacy wherein I'm a chapter of you somewhere there.
Continue to see one another more even if I am gone. I know you'll wonder if it'll hurt more seeing all six of you with me absent. But nobody will understand your grief more than these people. Be the brother we all knew, love them and keep them close. After all, none of us do well in isolation.
I died because of my heart, did you know? I've suffered strokes in the last year we were together. And it was Jay who saved my life. Yes, the boy everyone thought I was dating. He was actually my nurse, so I spent most of my time under his watchful eye. Eventually he became my friend and we shared affection in ways only two carers would understand. But Leon, I did not love him the way I love you. Yes, I love you, even right now as I type these. Because I know I won't be able to see you again, my time is coming near. But I need you know I love you most in this life.
Don't ask why. I'm not giving you my reasons, not because they are illogical. In fact, most of the reasons why I love you make sense to any person. But allow me to dig my reasons to the grave. It is not time for me to confess, you already know my love. That is enough.
Leon, I'll miss watching you perform. I'll miss playing your music on repeat and hearing you share your thoughts about your boyfriends. And it breaks my heart, I would never see you chat in our group chat with a beg of conversation for lyric inspiration. But many more people will watch you. Even more will watch over you. I happen to know that your boyfriends and you are for forever. (Also, do propose to them or say yes to a proposal soon, okay? No state will ever legalize it but... choosing to bind yourselves for life a decision so beautiful. One that nobody can take away from you.)
Lion, roar. Rule the world and pray tribute to yourself. You deserve that. I am a witness to your character and you cannot argue with me. I already won the debate. (The first debate I won over you... epic, isn't it?)
I love you. And I'll love you wherever my soul drifts to be. Hopefully, I can be reincarnated and be a child close to your heart.
The girl who misses you already,
Aerum
"You stupid girl, why did you never call us about knowing about dying this soon..."
Another soul watches over him, Aerum by Ash's side. They both whistle to the winds and call out for it to summon any of Leon's boyfriends as he leans against the wall. In a few hours, he'll perform. And minutes after it's end, the world will know about her death. More will swarm to him and his friends, wonder more and taunt them. And they are both dead, they cannot stop the future that will tread to his lifeline. But the most they could do is try for a kinder approach, through the people he loves. And soon enough, Hyunjin comes in, with Han calling for the rest to embrace the man hungover with death and its aftermath.
Because to both Aerum and Ash, that was what Leon did when they were alive. Leon loved them, thus made life kinder than it promised.
A/N: The people mentioned here were in previous chapters: heartbroken over a secret relationship and look back at the crossroads. And why did I write this? If you check my Wattpad page, I mentioned how a past lover of mine died miles away. And it pained me because even if we were more strangers in the recent years, she was still someone who I chose to love. Out of all of my characters, I connect with Leon most. His story is not mine but there are certain moments, thought processes and feelings wherein we are identical. So I wanted to express my heartbreak to those who don't know my face. To those who don't know how grief sits within me instead of exhausting me in tears.
With this, it isn't a perfect chapter but hopefully, it depicts something true enough.
If you ever need someone or if you resonate with anything in this chapter, feel free to message me. I have my door open for you. - Aid.
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