meet again | kth+jjk [read full desc.//transferred]

三

~𝚜𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚞𝚝𝚎~

they told me anxiety was the definition of a corrupted soul, so i guess ive gone haywire.

---

past, a week into big hit. about to move into dorm.

taehyung would never admit it-but his heart did a little tap dance when he got off the train to seoul, big hit entertainments place of residence. and the thing was, it wouldn't stop dancing, plooping around in his body to an inaudible, yet addicting melody. a melody of doubted excitement, low notes of grief and scales of wonder.

he had visited big hit a week ago, where they announced he was to be an official trainee, and as to move to a home-furnished and simple where he would live and train with his team. those few words had sent taehyung down a spiral. and there he was, calm talented kim taehyung, waterfalls of anxiety leaking out of his eyes, his only witness, the sheets and pillows of his bed, all stained with tears from past misery.

a waterfall does not stop if built not a dam. so a dam, self constructed by the owner of such cries was placed, and a dam of forced courage, conjured by empty vapor that held no ounce of bravery at all.

taehyung kept his dam robust. his mind, on the other hand, was not robust at all. what would the future bring to kim taehyung, a poor farmers boy? a boy who was blinded so far by the impression of seoul, a fog of makeshift reality took its place? how was he, how was anybody, able to foresee whether regret or success?

anxiety soared through his wrists. harsh, frigid anxiety, swerving up and suffocating his lungs till his mental state had drowned just as much. he couldn't think. he couldn't scream. physically, at least. and taehyung was scared, plain scared. the emotional agony could do nothing but invite panic into opening arms, waltzing to taehyungs yells. private yells, ones so loud yet so quiet. his breathing ran fast in his ears, his body shivered to a forever rhythm, a taunting beat that torcheres the weak. this forever rhythm, by this time, wouldn't stop piercing taehyung's skin. wouldn't stop burning his throat and rising to unstoppable rage into his eyes.

why won't my heart stop beating?

eventually, kim taehyung found himself in front of a tall building with large clear doors. he blinked, and realized his nose was stinging from holding in a pour of incontrollable nightmare. the nightmare was on the edge of singing out, singing out and gaining attention from passers who would stare, judgement roaring in their eyes. nightmare, of course, also left tear tracks. tear tracks that gleamed in the sun, unaware of their past misery. nightmare that had snapped from taehyung's eyes to his head, where utopia was just a tale of long silent calls. long, silent, dead calls.

keep it together, kim.

he pushed himself with threats of inner promises to get the clear door open. before taehyungs brain had fully captured the event, he slammed his hand to the door and pushed.

halfway through his hand holding the door handle and becoming permanently united with new beginnings was when taehyung came to his senses.

oh shit.

but of course, it was much to late.

" goodness, you must be kim taehyung!"

a tiny lady wearing circle glasses and a particularly poofy blouse stepped from behind a marble office desk, placed in the front of the rectangular room. taehyung suddenly had the nasty belief that the lobby looked like a royal hall, ones in fairytales where the king and queen sat up front, stairs crawling up to them, knights surrounding a red carpet rolled long like a catwalk. taehyung was under the same pressure as a suspect that could come clambering through the royal halls, awaiting a trial, with their fate in the hands of higher positions...and eventually the suspect would get executed. 

he shivered in his baggy red coat, so hard he nearly slipped. taehyung had met the ceo multiple times, and had never encountered this lady in the lobby. he could only assume a few things.

" yes, im taehyung. are you the head manager?"

his voice cracked on "manager" making him sound like a llama with asthma. taehyung bowed to hide his flushed face. thankfully though, the tiny lady seemed unabated. she laughed a little and came straight next to him, her eyes twinkling. taehyung could see winged liner around her gray eyes. he thought she was maybe in her late twenties.

"no honey, im the receptionist for bighit. and you can call me kiki, or noona."

taehyung was taken aback, such kindness from strangers seemed rather a fantasy.

" thank you so much..could you please-er?"

"ah yes." instead of taking taehyung to her desk, she led him down a corridor positioned far from the table, where he realized he was next to a broken elevator and another door.

"the elevator is under construction currently, so you'll have to take the stairs, thank god your meeting the ceo only in the lounge. his office would be a dozen flights up! and taehyung-ssi, after maybe a ten minute meeting, we'll be driving you to wear you'll be staying, with selected trainees who will debut with you in about a year. most of them have only trained for a year or two themselves. im sure you'll catch on."

taehyungs breath got caught in a whimsical state of pure nervousness. clearing his throat, he uttered, "thanks noona im just..excited, thats all."

kiki giggled and said rather loudly, as if announcing it was a fact, " dont worry my dear. i know you'll be there in no time."

taehyung didnt know where the sudden impulse to tell kiki everything came from. perhaps it was her motherly aura, or the smell of vanilla coffee coming from the mug in her tiny hands. even glimpsing for a millisecond at her round, beaming face somehow made him feel, not strong, but wanted. genuinely wanted. it was a rare feeling with strangers, the comfort in ones eyes, knowing that no matter how hard you fail you'll never disappoint. taehyung missed that feeling, he craved for it. he whispered, his hands sweaty on the handle of the duffle bag he had left from daegu with.

" what if i fall?"

the latter seemed to understand taehyungs mind had drifted to something that didnt involve catching up on trainee skills, or the flights of stairs taehyung needed to climb. something swallowing up inside and shattering his inside state. it was of course, the painful thought of future, the crazy worries that attacked him at night, endless sobbing questions about his new kpop life that engulfed him whole.

but kiki's eyes only shown brighter, as if they had tears in them too.

" oh but my darling, what if you fly?"

---

yayyy longer!

and yes, i did end this chapter on a poetic note based off of a winnie the pooh quote. no judgement please, the quote is cutee