Tribulation [h.s]

54*

"You're like a villain
In some old film
Walkin' in the dark
In somebody's room
Save me
'Cause I'm still sinking."

-

Harry's POV (First Person)

I wrote letters.

That's not something I'm proud to admit: Louis, Niall, Candy, and Liam—even my step-father, Marcello. I wrote them all letters before sitting in an icy cold bath with my clothes still on. Lines of coke, shattered glass, used needles, and a half-empty bottle of whiskey was beside me.

It was a failed attempt. Ironically, I met Allie shortly after. It started with a simple glance. She looked scared and nervous and hardly made eye contact. She wore baggy clothes and stuttered over every other word that tumbled from her lips. She stuck out like a sore thumb in the Red Room, and it took one smirk from me to have her running for the hills.

Now, look at her. She holds her head high. Her eyes are heavy-lidded, and she presses her body against mine. I know she wants me, and to have a woman like her want someone like me? There's not a word that could describe how good that makes me feel.

Before her, I felt dirty and unclean. Impure, polluted, poisoned. I was rotten. I mean, that's why I wanted to kill myself. Ending my life sounded a hell of a lot easier than living this life of sex, money, murder, repeat. It's not like I had much to live for either, and it's not like I'd care if I died.

But things have changed.

I'm still rotten, I know, but Allie came into my life and made me feel like I was worth something. She made me feel like I was worth looking at, remembering, seeing, and loving.

She made me feel. After being numb for so long, she made me feel everything good. She brought me peace.

I used to hate her because of this. But that's only because I didn't understand back then. She made me feel vulnerable and bare — like she could see through me. It made me so uncomfortable I'd snap at her and push her away.

But I understand now.

She gave me a reason.

I scoff. To think I nearly ended my life a few months ago. I would've missed out on this. I would've missed out on Allie.

I wasn't lying. She really is the light of my life.

I get butterflies in my soul every time she looks at me like she is right now, heavy-lidded doe eyes with her lip caught between her teeth, fighting that loving and sultry smile that drives me crazy.

I'm so lucky to be alive.

I love my eyes when she looks into them. I love my body when she touches me. I love my name when she calls me.

I love-

Alright. I need to shut the fuck up. I'm getting carried away.

"You think you're so heartless, but you're so full of feelings," she murmurs, making my breath hitch. "You pretend to feel nothing, but you feel everything, don't you? Isn't that lonely? Pretending to be okay all the time?"