A normal life

A long way home

We drove the scenic route along the Castle-bridge River. Such a beautiful place and very calming. Exactly what I needed right now. We stopped for a while just to take it in. The majestic beauty surrounding us. It feels like you are in another world when you come here. Far away from civilisation and the chaos that comes with being a part of it.

Sitting there had me thinking about everything that had just happened. For one, my childhood crush is, hold on I get a bit nauseous when replaying it in my mind. He is my brother. Long lost yet never gone. I always knew dad wanted a son and somehow, he always had one.

As the fog in my head starts evaporating, things seem so much clearer. Things that never made any sense before.

For example, why Pieterre never spoke about his mother. Why he spent most of his childhood at the castle. I mean we have a lot of people working for us and their kids do not hang out there all the time. They do tend to have a life away from us. Pieterre was always there. Holidays, school, and public. I always thought his dad was a single parent that had fallen on hard times and could not afford to pay anyone to take care of him.

Now I realize he was with his mom all along. I knew his dad well. I feel sad when thinking about the situation he is in currently. I have not asked Pieterre if there has been any change in his wellbeing for more than a week. Noted if there were, he would probably have told me. I also knew his uncle Robertus. Kind man always smiling but now I am wondering if he were in fact his uncle and if so, does that mean he is related to me somehow. Maybe he is just another made-up story, another lie like well, his entire life. Maybe he was just paid by my father to play a role or to take care of Pieterre while his dad was unwell. Also, if he knew why he never said anything, we were best friends all our lives. We even made those stupid friendship bracelets. What the heck was I thinking. He probably saw it as sibling bracelets. O my word, I feel so stupid. All the times I basically threw myself at him. He always joked around when I tried to act serious. Or made up some excuse. He knew. The bastard had always known and never said anything.

I even thought that maybe he was one of those guys who are attracted to different species like I don't know mermaids or something. Apparently, that is a thing. Some like them more than the fish they are. My theory was busted when he came home with that girl once and guess what, she was an elf, an exceptionally beautiful long blond-haired elf. Not me, however, no, why would he do that? We had known everything about each other or so I thought. Turns out I knew nothing. They did not last awfully long from what I saw. She was way too clingy and if there is one thing he does not like it is someone hanging all over him. See, I know him like that. His likes. His dislikes.

I was so angry when he introduced me to her. I had this image in my head that if he were to open his heart to someone if he did decide to love then well, he would love me. He never did, he never could. He knew that.

I feel betrayed because it is like, you know, it is one thing to lie about being related but to let me believe in a future for us... I had planned our wedding so many times. I imagined my snow-white dress with golden flakes and fairy dust surrounding us.

Now it is like. It kind of feels like I want to vomit in my mouth. Not the little bit that you could swallow and act as nothing happened.

It's more like the ale was way too strong and I had to probably stay in bed for I do not know, ever. Hiding my head in shame.

Then there is Leonard, my mind-reading soul companion. A third of my being belonging to a ... A living, breathing, scarier than life according to some albino, white, red-eyed, monster of a dragon who does not like being seen as a beast yet around everyone but me, acts like one.

What the heck? How do I comprehend all of this? How do I carry on as nothing has happened? How on this blue planet of water, ice and stardust do I stand in front of my mother and confront her about it?

"I'm not ready yet."

Anthony: "You don't have to, but if you would like you could talk to me about it."

No way am I repeating that entire conversation I just had with myself to someone I have only known for such a short while. I do feel comfortable around him. Most of the time. It's just, how do you put all of that into one short paragraph? How do you sum up your life exploding?

Anthony: "Cass are you ok, you keep zoning out. I promise not to judge. I will just keep quiet and listen if that is what you prefer."

"No, it's ok I don't feel like talking now but thank you for being such a gentleman."

Anthony: "I aim to please."

"There you go ruining the moment."

We laugh a bit. Somehow, he always knows how to make me feel at ease.

We approached the castles gates and I was already feeling a bit better. Not about everything that had just happened just maybe too tired to care.

"I know you are supposed to be protecting me, but I will be ok from here. You don't need to walk me in."

Anthony: "Are you positive? I don't mind if you need me to..."

"I am, thank you. I will be okay."

Anthony: "I don't know what just happened, but I do know that you are a strong independent woman. I know you said you would be okay in a doubtful tone but trust me when I say, you will be. I know you will."

See what I mean he always knows what to say.

I lean over to give him a hug. Easier due to the fact that I never sit in the back of a car. I do not need a chauffeur I need protection and that is harder to do when you are so far apart. With my head resting on his shoulder I feel a tear dripping down my cheek. Probably just all these emotions building up. He pushes me forward placing his fingers under my chin to lift my head. Does he know my tricks? It could not be, this is real.

Anthony staring into my now very grey eyes: "It will be okay."

I lean in closer with my mouth trembling. Emotions, nerves who knows but from here I can smell the heat coming from his body and I am cold, as a matter of fact, I am freezing. He smells like steam when stepping out of the shower. Hot, clean, safe. Just as I am about to pull away, he grabs the back of my neck forcing me against him.

He had to be hot because wow, was I melting. Every part of my being felt like I just stepped inside that same shower and now that hot water is pouring all over me. It is hard to breathe and think and just, wow. As his tongue enters my mouth pushing my lips apart, I taste berries and cream. It's like an intense slow dance in my mouth and I never want the music to stop.

Then the DJ died.

He pulls away leaving me aching for more, but I am too proud to admit my weakness.

I always use music references. It might be because I miss it so much. The only songs I hear are the ones my mom sings to me. Did mom sing like that to Pieterre when he was a baby?