Loving Mr.Swing

Chapter 7- So Anxious

Brielle's POV

~2:00 a.m. the late night/morning after Devante's house party~

"So do you think I overreacted?" I asked my friend Ember as I sipped red wine out of a wine glass. I was sprawled across my best friend's bed regretting the way I behaved earlier when Devante' kissed me. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy the kiss or I thought that he was moving too fast, I knew we weren't about to have sex. Hell, I wasn't going to let it get that far, but I think I could have been less dramatic about the whole thing.

He was probably wondering what he did wrong.

"Just a tad," Ember responded avoiding eye contact with me. " I mean you definitely could have handled that a lot better than you did. It wasn't like he was holding you down or forcing himself upon you. The make-out session was consensual from what you described earlier. You told me you liked it, so why the dramatic exit?" She asked tossing her hair over her shoulder and peering over at me with an all-knowing expression. She knew the reason behind my reaction but she was waiting on me to say it out loud.

I groaned as I experienced another wave of embarrassment just thinking about what I did.

"It just became too much. I started having flashbacks of my ex. You know he was my first everything. You were there so you know what happened and why I've built up these walls around my heart," I sighed looking up at the ceiling. "I just don't want to get hurt again."

Ember and I had been friends since we were in middle school. Her family moved to Texas from New York when she was in the 6th grade. We became friends the day I defended her on the playground because a girl was bullying her because of her size. Ember is a plus-sized girl but she carries it nicely. My friend is gorgeous and is now more confident than ever. She was there during my entire relationship with Rome (my bitch ass ex), so she knows how hard I took the break up.

Ember just recently moved back to New York two weeks ago which explains why I'm staying with her here at her apartment instead of in a hotel room during my short visit here in New York for the photo shoot that's coming up Monday morning.

Ember continued to stare at me and I could tell she was trying to choose her words carefully. Or at least what she deemed as "carefully".

"Girl, come on. I know what Rome meant to you, but you guys have been broken up for 2 years now. It's time for you to step out and find love again. He's obviously not thinking about you or you guys' history together. Last I heard he was screwing Madonna, " She said making us both grimace at the mental image of the two of them being intimate. Especially because she is much older than him.

I must admit, it doesn't hurt as much when I learn about Rome's many flings anymore. In fact, I didn't really think about Rome that much anymore at all, which is why I reacted the way I did when I had my little make-out session with Devante'. Don't get me wrong, I totally enjoyed the feeling of Devante's lips moving against mine and his body being pressed against mine, but I couldn't help but think of the last time I was in that position over two years ago. I had only ever done those types of things with my ex so it was weird being that close with another man. Especially someone I barely knew, yet felt such a strong attraction to.

I sighed in defeat. "You're right Ember. I'm just scared. You don't know how it feels to love someone unconditionally. Maybe even more than you love yourself. You just kind of get lost in the moment, and when that moment finally ends, you realize that you never really meant shit to that person and that you're just a placeholder in their life, and they're nothing but a hard, learned lesson for you. You don't know how it feels to have to see your ex on television and hear his songs on the radio constantly reminding you of those same songs that he wrote for you as you gazed at him lovingly feeling like the most special girl in the world."