As Long As I Have You (A Zayn Malik Love Story)

I'm Broken: Part 2

Avianna's P.O.V

I closed the lid of the toilet slowly and took a deep breath. I just finished throwing up. I don't know if its because I ate something, or I'm just so stressed out that it came to a point where I would become sick to my stomach. I think it's the stress. I'm so stressed out on Zayn and I and Zayn and Belina. Belina hasn't had time to get a pregnancy test, so she still isn't sure, and I haven't talked to Zayn since yesterday. I made him stay with Belina for the night. I didn't want him near me right now; also I wanted him to get closer to Belina since he just might be a father. I haven't stopped crying, but my decision is final. I called my parents last night and I told them I missed home too much. They got me a plane ticket back home, and I'm leaving later tonight. I intend to talk to everyone before that time. After rehearsal, I'll talk to Liam and Niall, and then break the news with Eli. While I'm packing later to leave, I'll tell Zayn everything. Hopefully everyone will come to the airport with me.

I'm scared that the girls will find out about me and Zayn. Of course their boyfriends would tell them, but maybe I could convince them not to. I mean, what would they think of me after hearing that?

I don't even care now. I just want to go home. I want to get away from this. I just want to forget all of this. I mean all if it.

I'm so mad at myself for becoming this type of person. I never wanted to fall in love because of the consequences behind it. I mad I let Zayn change me into something I never wanted to be. I'm also mad at myself for falling for him.

How would I bring something like this up to Liam and Niall? Hopefully they'll be really understanding and not shut me out. I really need someone to talk to.

I'll try my best to look good for rehearsal. I'm just not up for it. I don't want to look at Zayn, because that makes me want to run over, kiss him, and give in. I also don't want to see Belina, because then I will visualize her being pregnant. That's the last thing I'm trying to think about. Would Zayn even want that baby? Would he stay with Belina? Management might make him because how bad would it look if people saw Zayn got someone pregnant, and doesn't want to be apart if the child's life. That just might ruin him.

The thought of him loving Belina, and being a father to her child makes me mad and jealous. But I shouldn't be jealous. Zayn was originally Belina's. But he left her for me! And they always say 'If you love two people at the time, go with the second one because if you loved the first one, you wouldn't have fell for the second one.' (Johnny Depp quote) Zayn loved Belina first, but came to me. If he loved Belina, he wouldn't have came to me!

This isn't me. This is the other Avianna talking. I shouldn't be talking like this. I might just lose my mind. I really have to get out of here.

My hair looked like oily strands across my face. I've been a real mess lately. I've been so miserable and lazy. I pulled the greasy mop into an extremely messy bun. If people saw my lack of happiness, they would think I was going through a depression stage.

I heard my phone vibrate and lit up. I went over to it and opened the new text message.

Zayn:

Hey babe, I miss you. xx

Every cell in my body wanted to reply back, but I simply just shoved my phone into my dance bag. I then slowly placed my pilot sunglasses on and left my flat.

While walking, Zayn repeatedly kept texting me. He even called twice. Ignoring him just made me feel sick all over again. I can't answer. I have to stay strong to my plan and he will just make me give in.

I was debating on whether to take my sweet time and walk to rehearsals, or to call a cab. Half of me wanted to walk so I could get out most of my emotions that way, but then it's a pretty far walking distance. I decided on calling a cab instead. I started to dial the number but got an incoming call. It was Zayn. Should I answer? I wanted to so very badly. In less than a second, my thumb pressed down on the answer button. I stared at it for a second and slowly brought the phone to my ear.