A Little Dinged Up (gxg)

Chapter 18

I heard the door to the bathroom open, and Trish came storming in, her face stoic, which is usually when she is at her angriest. "You don't get to pull that shit and leave after what you did!"

I tilted my head in confusion. "Well then tell me what I did!" I turned to face her, leaning back on the kitchen sink. "That is all I want to know. Why did you throw away our relationship and years of happiness away to be with that fuckhead."

"You were supposed to chase me! You don't cheat on me and then do nothing!" she sobbed harshly.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I yelled. "When did I cheat? You know damned well Ava was a friend! And why would I chase someone who betrayed me like that by stealing my entire team and going to Max of all people?"

"I saw you! I saw you with that girl at the pool, she was all over you! You didn't even call me to apologize!" She was marching closer, looking right into my eyes. "I know she was your side piece!"

"The fuck?" I stood up straight, my face right in hers. "I have no idea who was feeding you that shit, but I have never had a side piece in my life, and never would. That bitch at the pool jumped on me and shoved me and Ava into the pool. I have no idea who she even was! Have you ever seen her in any of my videos? Have you seen her anywhere near me since then? Did you stick around to see me give her a bloody nose as I got her off me in the pool?"

"But Juliette said she was, and Sonny too!" Trish whined to me. "Nat even told me you'd just ask me to marry you just to shut me up! And you kept saying no to Max, but Juliette said I could get a good deal helping him and getting sponsors!"

I was really getting worked up after that. I had little doubt that Juliette and the rest of the team made her believe a bunch of shit, but why did she doubt me? "You mean, the same Juliette who wanted you to work with her son? Amazing. I can't imagine what her motivation could possibly have been. And Nat is the one who had been helping me plan how to ask you to marry you, so of course she knew what I was up to! Hell, if you wanted sponsors, I could have helped with that! All of this was something we should have been talking about together way before things blew up!"

"Well, you never called me though! You should have called and talked to me! I couldn't have known all of this! I thought you wanted me gone!"

"You absolutely could have known all of this if you talked to me! And remember the whole shoving me in the pool part? That included my phone. It took most of the next day to get it replaced and everything loaded back onto it, and by that time you'd already blocked me. Hard for me to call or chase you when you cut off all communication." Fucking Juliette. I wanted that bitch's hide on a damned wall for target practice. "You left me, Trish. You knew you were the only family I had left. You knew you were all that stood between me and the nightmares. Guess what? You're a part of my nightmares now. You're the one I shoot now instead of my father. It's a wonderful experience. I was going to marry you. I was going to pick out a ring and then parachute down when you were doing a man on the street episode and drop to my knees in front of you. You were my whole life, and you never even had enough faith in me to talk to me about the crap they were telling you. To give me a chance to explain all this before it got out of hand. How did I lose your trust? How could you choose to trust other people over the person who you're supposed to love? The first time you got even a little nervous and you completely cut me out and ran!"

Trish just stared at me, tears streaming down her face. She opened her mouth to talk a few times, but it took several tries before she could formulate words. "But now I know, right?" she asked weakly. "Do we still have a chance?"

I just shook my head. I had no idea what to do now, I'd come here prepared to beg for forgiveness for whatever I'd done. Hell, I was prepared for her to tell me she'd left me on purpose because she had been cheating on me with Max. But this middle ground thing just killed me. Do I try to take her back when she was fed a bunch of lies, but believed them and never trusted me enough to even talk to me? "I don't think so. I can't get past you not trusting me when we always were there for each other in the past. It's like a knife in my guts after all we've been through. You lost your trust and faith in me, and I guess now I lost my faith in you not to run on me again. And the whole Twinkie thing is making me want to puke."

"The Twinkie thing is over, and I'm going to kill him for that! I was only going along with the ship to get us both subscribers! There was never anything more than a kiss on the cheek for the cameras." she breathlessly assured me. "I have a one year contract to collaborate with him, and I still have another eight months on it. But fuck if I'll do anything but sit there like a lump from now on. And I do trust you, I'm so sorry! I don't know what I was thinking! How can I make this right? I never stopped loving you, I was just so hurt so much when you didn't chase me."

"I don't know if we can. It's been four months since you left me, Trish. Part of me already moved on. I came here for closure because I didn't know if I could give my heart to someone else if I had done something to push you away. I thought I'd hurt you or was somehow flawed, and it was killing me not to be able to apologize. I spent three fucking weeks sleeping on the bathroom floor after you left. I was drunk every night trying to get through the damned nightmares. When I didn't chase you, why didn't you at least reach out to me? Just shoot me one damned text?"

She dropped her head, tears falling on the floor now as she shuddered with sobs. "I don't know. I was just stubborn, I guess. It's Ava, right? Is she who you want to move on with?"

"It doesn't matter, Trish. It could be Miki, it could be Ava, it could be anyone. I just needed to know what happened, and I guess now I do. At least I can sleep a little easier I hope."

"If it helps, I love your new kitty, and the tattoo is sexy as hell." Trish gazed down at my sternum while biting her lip. "I've still been watching all of your videos."

"Yeah. It came out great. And Queen Nefertiti has really helped too. She's my emotional support cat. Keeps me grounded. I didn't know how much I needed her till I got her. You have no idea how fucked up I was when you left." My voice dropped at the end as I fought to keep my tears under control.

She stepped closer, and slowly wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head on my shoulder. The familiar warmth of her body radiated through my own, and I let out a sob that I didn't even know I was holding in. "Can I kiss you?" she asked in a whisper.

I shrugged, not knowing if it was the right move. But maybe it would help me know what my heart wanted. She pulled back, sliding her hands up to my cheeks, then gently pressed her lips to mine. Her lips were still soft, her vanilla and cinnamon scent still warmed me. But that was it. I didn't feel the spark anymore, and I think she knew it. I don't even know if she felt it either.

"I can't believe I threw it all away," she murmured once she pulled away. "I'm so sorry I hurt you Ly. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday. I still love you, and I don't think I'll ever stop."

I just shook my head. "I do forgive you Trish, but I can't be with you. I can't trust my heart to you again, no matter how great our past was. I'm sorry. Goodbye." She dropped her hands from my cheeks as I walked past her and out the door. I could hear the sounds of her crying echoing through the bathroom as I left but couldn't go back and console her, as much as I hated knowing she was hurting. I needed to protect myself from her, and putting myself in that position would risk the healing that had already started for me.