Different as Night and Day (Winterfalcon)

Pain and Tears

Bucky's POV

Pain. All I could feel was pain.

Fuzzy figures shuffled around me. I couldn't tell if I was in a memory of HYDRA giving me my arm or this was real.

What was real?

I felt pain flare as I heard a bone saw whir to life. Immediately, my eyes shot open and I grabbed the nearest man with my flesh hand.

"Hail HYDRA."

The words came out before I could stop them. Was that me talking? Or was it The Asset?

Somebody was speaking. Telling another man to get the sedative. I tried to break free of the restraints but just like before I was tightly held down.

Wait, HYDRA hadn't given me sedatives? Where was I?

Before I could question anything more everything faded to black.

*time skip brought to you by the 🏳️‍🌈✨speed of gay✨🏳️‍🌈*

I was in the snow.

The cold snow didn't even faze me. I was too busy looking at the crimson blood leaking on to the perfect icy ground.

I blinked and then I was being pulled. I looked up seeing a sinister smile that I registered as hopefully a kind stranger. Maybe even an American soldier.

Then came the pain. I looked around and I was shirtless, strapped to a medical table as a doctor lowered a bone saw to my arm cutting through my open arm.

I screamed and the terror filled shriek echoed around in my brain on repeat. A broken record I couldn't turn off-

Finally I shot up out of the hospital bed. I couldn't breathe, my mouth was open in a scream and when I stopped I still couldn't breathe. I couldn't feel my actually normal hand. Instantly I looked to find a strap holding my arm to the hospital bed. I pulled it free easily not even registering where I was or anything. I didn't care. I needed it off.

I clawed at the hospital gown, trying to get to my metal arm and claw it off. It itched. It itched and burned and I just wanted it off. I couldn't breathe and my lungs felt filled with snow. Like I hadn't just fell that day I'd drowned in the icy abyss. My brain felt charged and buzzed with static.

A voice broke through the static and snow like a sun through the cold winter morning.

"Bucky stop. Bucky stop. Bucky look at me." I looked up, my chest still heaving. Sam's dark eyes stared at me and he held his hands inches off my body.

"Can I touch you?" His voice was gentle.

I didn't respond. But it came crashing back to me. The Avengers. I was at the compound. Training. We had been training. Steve. Oh gods Steve. I needed to apologize what if he hated me. What if they kicked me out. What if they blamed me, more than they already did-

"Bucky. Focus on me. Look at me," I looked at him as he moved his hands a bit closer but still didn't touch me. "I don't know if you want me touch you. But I do need you to calm down and breathe. Everything is fine. You came out of surgery a few minutes ago. Just breath ok. In and out."

I took a shaky breath. It felt like his gaze melted all the snow in my lungs and suddenly I could breathe again. The static in my brain slowly dissipated.

"S-Sam. I'm s-so s-sorry please you gotta b-believe m-me I d-didn't m-mean to hurt anyone." I couldn't speak my voice was shaking so bad. All of me was shaking. My whole body was shaking.

"P-Please take these off." I motioned to the restraints and I felt hot tears trace down my cold face.

He quickly reached for the restraints and undid them easily. I stayed in the position, my flesh hand shaking horrible as I looked to my other hand.

It was different than HYDRA's version. This was sleek and dark, the same size but it weighed the same as my normal arm.

I flexed the hand and realized this actually had reasonable amounts of feeling.

"Bucky-" Sam started to speak but I cut him off as I wrapped around his waist in a hug.

"S-Sam I'm s-sorry." He was warm so warm and I was freezing.

Sam almost jumped backwards as he hugged me back. "GAH fuck and a half Bucky you're so cold!!! How?!"

I simply cried. He returned my hug in silence as I hugged him a little tighter. Sobs wracked my body. I didn't even understand why I was crying but everything hurt. I shouldn't be crying. But I was.

"Hey hey it's ok no worries. Strange fixed your arm with Tony and Bruce so you should be fine now they'll explain it to you. Steve is...well we'll talk about him a minute. Everyone's fine."  Sam's voice was so kind I kept sobbing. He was so gentle, HYDRA had beaten it out of my body to trust any form of kindness that it felt so alienated to hug him.

We sat there for a while. Just hugging. He gently shushed me, rubbing circles into my back.

Bruce walked into the room to find the scene. My eyes were dry and I was now even more tired than before from sobbing.

"Hey Bucky I'm glad you're awake. Everything went fine we got the arm off and replaced it. It may itch or you may feel it burning a bit and that's just because it's healing no need to worry. I'm just here to check the bandages and if there isn't anything else you can leave actually. Go back to your room and all." He moved towards me as he talked.

I nodded and he lifted the gown, I didn't want to look when he took of the bandages so he just rewrapped them. It stung a bit as he put on healing salve but I hid my wince the best I could put of habit.

"If you have any questions or need any pain killers just let me know ok?"

I nodded again and looked at Sam. Wordlessly, the Falcon helped me off the bed as I stood. He silently understood and handed me a pair of jeans and a sweater.

I mumbled a thanks and he walked out with Bruce, sliding a curtain so I could dress in leave. I took off my hospital gown and pulled up the jeans. I slid the sweater over my head, being mindful of my bandages.

"You ready?" Sam's voice called out, a teasing edge.

"Yeah." I hated how weak my voice sounded. Gravely and hoarse from screaming but my brain answered that I just shouldn't speak at all.

"Come on we can go upstairs and go to your room. Are you hungry?"

My stomach grumbled before I could deny it.

Sam simply smiled and walked me to the elevator. Once there he pressed the button and before my claustrophobia could kick in we got the kitchen area.

The door opened but Sam was already explaining the few things I'd missed. I was paying so much attention to him. I didn't see the blonde hair and blue eyes glare at us from the kitchen until he spoke.

"Oh look. Glad to see somebody's feeling better."