Read to me ~ Xingyun

28

Chongyun POV:

I lay awake with Xingqiu in my arms, I couldn't tell if he was asleep or not since he still seemed to be crying and letting out light sobs, I looked down at him and his eyes were closed, I started stroking his hair in an attempt to reassure him I guess..?

He seemed to react to my touch making me question if he was asleep or not again but I continued trying to comfort him regardless.

"Xingqiu..?" I whispered, "Are you awake?"

I heard a small 'mhm' sound and I decided that meant he was,

"We don't have to go to school tomorrow.. so everything can be back the way it was for a bit... is that good..?" I asked quietly,

"...yeah... I want to stay with you forever... I don't want to ever go back to school..." he spoke shakily,

"I know... but we have to go back eventually... we only have a few weeks left though, then it's summer... 3 months to ourselves.."

"..I miss Bennett and Razor but... I don't think I can do it anymore..." he whispered,

"Do what?"

"....life..."

.........

"What?"

I asked. Everything seemed to freeze. He had really just said that. I had read about these things in the book, I knew it could happen, I thought I was prepared but...

Hearing the person I loved the most say that.... it hurt more than anything else...

He sat up suddenly,

"I- I'm sorry- I didnt- I thought I said that in my head- I-"

"It's ok... you.. you're just being honest with me right..? It's ok.." I was trying to hold back all my emotions, I wanted to scream at him, tell him he was worth more than anything on this stupid planet and nobody here deserved him, I wanted to tell him that if he ever left me for death I would loose myself.. but I also wanted to shrink him down into a little tiny person and keep him safely in my pocket forever, where nothing and nobody could hurt him ever again, I wanted to make him feel loved, I wanted to protect him, I wanted to give him the happiness he deserved... I wanted to do so many things that I couldn't do...

"I'm so so so sorry Chongyun... I didn't mean to say that... I don't know what came over me... please dont be mad at me!" He cried,

"I'm not mad at you my love, I just.. wasnt expecting that... but you don't need to apoligise... just remember... you promised not to leave me..." I whispered, pulling him back to lay down,

"I know and I won't. I will never leave you." He half smiled as he cuddled back into my chest,

"I understand how hard everything has been recently... especially for you.. I mean I'm really proud of how well you've come out of it all... I cant even begin to imagine how overwhelming all of that was for you... getting attacked in the place you thought you were safe..."

"Yun yun.. you do realise you're the one who was attacked... sure it scared me, especially since I thought I was safe here but.. it must've been terrifying.. in your own home..." his voice started shaking again,

"Xingqiu, all I'm trying to say is that I'm going to protect you no matter what, and even if you don't feel safe anywhere anymore, which is perfectly understandable, I won't let anyone hurt you, not as long as I'm here."

"I wish..." his voice was cracking and tears were beginning to fall again.. "I wish I could've protected you that day... the way you protected me... I should've done something... before you picked up that vase..."

At this point he was violently shaking and I was holding onto him like my life depended on it, I felt like if I let him go I'd fall into an endless ocean of my own regret and fear, I don't regret protecting Xingqiu that day.. but I can agree with him in one area...

I wish I hadn't picked up that vase either...