The Fire Within: Secrets

The Fire Within: Secrets- Chapter 9

Chapter 9

>Sierra's POV

Spencer was leaving soon and he wouldn't tell me. I had gotten the urge to cut. I couldn't look at Cole, so I got up and ran to the port-a-potties. I needed to be alone. I needed to cut. I slammed the door behind me and started crying.

I cried hard. I didn't know what to do. The urge was getting stronger. I took the razor from my poket and held it between my thumb and pointer finger. The blade felt nice in my hands. I knew I had promised that I wouldn't do it again, but I had to. I needed to.

I put the blade against my wrist. In a swift movement the blade pierced my skin and soon I had fresh cuts all along my wrist. The blood was dripping onto the floor, slowly. 

I started whispering:

I'm sorry I'm not perfect

I'm sorry I cut

I'm sorry I break my promises

I'm sorry I hide my emotions

I'm sorry I lie and say I'm fine

I'm sorry I'm pushing you away

I was shaking and started rocking back and forth. The blood was now making a small pool on the floor. Then I heard Cole knocking on the door.

"Sierra, are you okay?" he asked lightly.

"Y-yeah..." I replied whispering.

I never realized but the blood was getting so much on the floor, that it had started to leak out the crack underneath the door. I heard Cole gasp in shock, then he was trying to get the door open. I started crying again. I was doing it again. I was hurting him.

"Sierra, let me it. Please," he said, worry filling his voice.

Sighing, I reached up and unlocked the door and slowly, Cole opened the door. He peered inside and looked at me. The blood was a small pool around me, my wrists' were stained with the crimson tears and the blade was shaking in my hand. 

I looked at the ground, unable to look into his eyes. He must be disappointed. I had promised to never cut again, then I did. I want to just go throw myself at the walls. I heard Cole walk away from the port-a-potties. I knew it, he was leaving me. Just like everyone else.

I started crying, hard. I didn't really care, I put my head on my arms. The tears cleaned up a little of the blood. Blood was getting on my face and hair, now. I just want to crawl away and go die in a hole. I wanted to just disappear.

I was lost in thought, I never noticed the footsteps heading towards me. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped and looked up to see Cole's face. He had gotten two cloths, gauze and a small bucket of water. He grabbed a cloth and got it slightly wet, then he grabbed one arm and started to clean off the blood. His gentle strokes, the care -and fear- in his eyes. 

Soon, he had finished cleaning off both my wrists, and started to wrap them in the gauze. The gauze had stung a little when he started but the sting was gone and I had a small smile on my face. I loved that Cole cared about me, but at times I wish he didn't. If he didn't -and Spencer didn't- I could easily die without anyone caring.

We got up and I looked at my clothing, it was now drenched in blood. Cole frowned. He told me to wait here as he went to dump the water, throw away the cloths and get me something else to wear. I did what he said and waited quietly for him to return.

When he had gotten back, he had jeans and a plain black t-shirt. I thanked him, then closed the door to the port-a-potty and hurried up to change, being carefully about my wrists. When I had finished changing, I unlocked the door and stepped out.  Cole smiled at me. I gave him a small smile in return. 

"Well, tell me," he said.

"Tell you what?" I asked, confused.

"Tell me what's wrong," he replied.

My eyes widened. He was right, I did promise to tell him, since he told me what's going on between him and Spencer. I nodded, and walked back to the trees, where we were sitting. I didn't really want to tell him. I didn't want to worry him.

"Well, my step-mom is an alcoholic and she hates me-" I started, pausing after that, then continued, "When she is drunk, she... she..." 

I couldn't say it, I had started crying. After, I had felt Cole slip his arms around me, and was trying to comfort me. I honestly liked it. I loved having this feeling. I felt safe and I felt like I was loved. Same with Spencer, but lately whenever I touch him, it seems to hurt him.

I didn't really understand what was happening, but I was thankful for having Cole and Spencer in my life. If they weren't here, I'd be dead by now.

When I had gotten to the port-a-potty I wasn't worried too much, but when I saw the blood leaking out, I got scared. She was doing it. Again. I pounded on the door, telling her to open it. When she had I saw her tear-stained face, and blood-stained wrists'. After a second of shock, I backed away and went to the closest store. 

I had gotten gauze, cloths and water to clean her up and wrap her wrists. I hurried back to her. When i got back, I gently started to clean the blood off. At first she winced, but soon she just sat there. Sometimes, I wish I knew what she was thinking.

I finished cleaning her up, then wrapped her wrists'. When I finished that, we stood up, then I realized her clothing was now drenched. So I told her to wait and ran back to dump the water and cloths and got some clothing.

I got back, and she quickly changed. When she stepped out, I asked her if she'd tell me, knowing she was going too. We went back to the trees where we were sitting before, and I waited. When she started talking, I wasn't surprised. But when she started crying after two sentences, I knew it. It was her Step-mom.

I was really starting to hate that woman.