The Fire Within: Secrets

The Fire Within: Secrets- Chapter 5

Chapter 5

>Sierra's POV

"Sierra... Please, don't... Give me the knife," he whispered, holding out his hand..

"Nobody cares! Don't you understand everyone hates me!" I cried. 

"That's not true, I don't hate you," he said.

"You, just you, everyone else does! I have no reason to be alive!" I screamed, my voice cracking.

"Don't do it... Please..." he whispered.

I closed me eyes, taking a deep breathe, the knife held closely to my throat. Another second, I was going to press, but he had jumped on me, wrestling away the knife.

"No, no, no!" I screamed.

"Sierra, I won't let you kill yourself!" he yelled.

I woke with a shock. I looked around, I was in English, and thankfully class just started. I saw Spencer looking at me, emotion of many filled his eyes. He gave a small encouraging smile, then turned back to face the front.

The last line of what Cole said was stuck in my head. It kept replaying over and over. "Sierra, I won't let you kill yourself!" It's the first time since then that I've ever had a flash back to that day. After that day, i knew I could trust Cole. He cared. But why was he hiding from me now? Why was he hiding something? And Spencer, too? Why were they hiding.

"Okay, class, this unit is on Poetry. First, I want to take five minutes, and I want everyone to write a poem. It can be about anything," Mr. Todd explained.

Some people groaned, but I gave a small smile. I loved writing poetry. Quickly, I took out my notebook, and pencil. My pencil was positioned over the paper, ready to write, but I couldn't think of anything to write about. Then suddenly, I got an Idea.

I wrote: 

You claim to know her, like a kittens fur

When truely you won't, you never can

A secret its placed, well hidden inside

Where only a girl in disguise can hide

The worlds visible, more hidden then invisible

Like the tears that covered the little girls fears

The smile drawn onto her face, while living in this horrid pace

A girl in disguise is under the water

You say you knew that she was bright, 

As bright as the lightly old sunlight

When the darkness comes, the smile fades

Darkness is evil, even to 

A Girl in Disguise

I never realized but Mr. Todd was looking over my shoulder at my poem. I looked up at him, he smiled at me, giving me a small nod. But I could see something flash in his eyes. He must have thought there was something wrong, like I was hiding something. Well, if he thought that, he was right.

Soon, English was over, and it was time for Government. I liked Government, but I didn't feel so happy for it today. I gathered my things and headed out of the classroom. I held my things tightly to my chest, as I headed to Mr. O'Conner's class.

I arrived just a few seconds before the bell rang. I let out a sigh of relief, then hurried to take my seat. Mr. O'Conner still hadn't gotten here, so many students got up and started talking to their friends. I was even more uncomfortable. I didn't have any friends in that class, so I was alone. 

I heard giggling, then something hit me. I turned around and saw Bree and her clique. She kept giggling. I rolled my eyes, and turned back around. Silently, I wished for Mr. O'Conner to walk through the door and start class. Again, she threw something at me. I turned around, again.

"What, freak?" she snarled.

"Will you stop throwing things at me," I growled at her.

She rolled her eyes, and went back to talking to her friends -or wannabes- and i turned back to the front, and gave a samll smile when I saw the teacher come into the class.

"Okay, sorry, I had to get some copies..." Mr. O'Conner said, and I didn't hear the rest, as I had started zoning out. 

The whole time, the scene kept playing over and over in my mind. The way my wrists' were stained red, the way Cole's eyes were full of worry and concern and fear. The way I had almost killed myself. The way I thought it was over.

"Sierra, I won't let you kill yourself!"

I shivered when I heard that. Cole was right, I couldn't let myself die, not by my own knife, my own hand. I had something to live for. I had love. I had Spencer. And with that my mind wandered back over to how they were acting weird. I hated how it bothered them so much. I just wished Cole would tell me. I didn't like seeing him hurt.

Soon Government was over, and I headed out to my next class. I didn't pay attention to where I walked, or anything. My class was Spanish with Mrs. Addams. I usually loved Spanish, and I was normally the first one there, but as I entered the room, almost half the class was already there. I hurried in and sat in my spot. I, again, zoned out.

During class, we played a game to help us remember the 'e to ie rule'. It was pretty fun, but my mind wouldn't focus on it, I knew this by heart. But I still couldn't focus. Cole and Spencer are hiding, and it's hurting them, and I don't like it.

Time flew by, and then it was time for lunch. I gathered my things and slowly left the classroom. Quickly, I raced to my locker. I had thankfully reached it in a minute or two. I put away my things, and slammed my locker shut, and started walking to Lunch.

I wanted to ask Cole again, but I didn't want to bother him with it anymore. Plus, I didn't want everyone to know. I had soon reached the cafeteria and I went straight to my normal spot. I sat there, and waited for anyone to come. Thankfully, soon everyone had started to come, and I smiled. 

The table had quickly filled up with my friends. Everyone was talking, laughing, smiling. I loved seeing everyone so happy. I looked at Cole and I could see him smiling, but it didn't reach his eyes. He's hiding something, I wish he'd tell me...

It keeps eating at me. The secret. I know I should tell her, but if I did, she might break, completely.... I can't deal with that, she needs to be happy, and fine, and okay... The constant feeling of guilt and sadness now follow me, Skyler can make me smile, but there's always the haunting shadow of guilt... Why did this have to be so difficult...?