𝘃,𝗵𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀.

love for me

hii this is a part 2 of 'love for you'
-

y/n's pov.

i used to think relationships were a distraction. or that's at least what i was told by whoever. mostly by my parents who tended to feel the need to control me.

"you need to focus on school, boys are a complete distraction."

"boys never love you, they want to use you."

"maintaining the perfect life style is your number one priority."

was all i ever heard. i didn't know any better they were all i ever had to guide me through life and pass down their wisdom. the problem was that there was no wisdom. my parents were imprudent. brought their own lives to shit so, now the feel the need to see me thrive how they wished they could've.

but their fantasy of life is very different from mine. of course i've fantasized about being in love or having someone who truly cared about me. but they were just mindless daydreams. i didn't expect those figments to come true.

mostly because i've never really dated or been in a relationship. the base reasoning for it was, my parents. they would never allow it. but also because any option i've ever came across wasnt what i wanted, I wouldn't allow that for myself.....

~
my grandmother was the only other person in my life who was different from my parents. she believed in love, she was in love. she always told me i would find the right, perfect person. someone who would treat me right and equivalte to my value.

i loved my grandmother. she was my favorite person. i told her everything and she always understood me, and even if she disagreed she would always give me the benefit of the doubt and give me her opinion on the topic. i just felt so comfortable with her. highly more comfortable than i did with my parents.

she did so much for me. she made me feel wanted and like i had a reason for why i was here. hearing her talk about her life and old stories were the highlight of my day. the way she worded what she was saying was beautiful. the way she saw things was beautiful. she always looked on the bright side of things. she spoke with so much life. she really was down to earth.

i remember one time we were sitting on her porch and she was talking to me about something, i'm saddened that i can't remember what it was that she was telling me.

mid sentence, a beautiful blue butterfly with orange dots aligned down its wings came and landed onto her hand. it was balancing on the base of her wedding ring.

at the time i just thought it was cool because animals tended to be attracted to her. so i really didn't think much of it.

it wasn't until later that she had mentioned that it was a pipevine swallowtail butterfly. she said it was her favorite. as well as my grandfathers, her husband. she mentioned she mostly saw them after he had passed. she liked to believe it was his spirit lingering, looking after her. and i completely believed her.

i don't remember much of my grandfather, i was only a child when he passed. all i could remember were the two of them together. never him alone. i wish i could've known him for longer and grew a bond with him. she talked about him so passionately. i could tell she really was in love with him. i always hoped to feel that way about someone like she did with her husband.

whenever my grandmother passed, it broke me deeply. i tried my best to stay strong because i know it would be what she would have wanted. i know she would have wanted us to celebrate her life rather than grief. she always told me the thought of death didn't scare her. she said she was comfortable with the fact of her journey ending. she had already done and seen it all. she was happy with what she had done with her life. but i also think she really wanted to be with my grandpa again. and i wasn't going to selfishly keep her here because i wasn't ready to let go.

if she was ready, i was ready.

i hadn't seen another pipevine swallowtail butterfly after that moment on her porch until her funeral.

i remember having to step outside for a second, as it was a lot to take. and funerals have always been weird to me in general. i sat down on the curb, drying my eyes. my eyes were filled with tears, clouding my vision. whenever my vision had cleared. i looked up, my eyes meeting with a pipevine swallowtail butterfly soaring in the air, flying higher, and higher. except, this butterfly didn't have orange dots, it had white dots. i just watched it flying beautifully in the air with the background of the sun almost fully set.
~

....a one-sided 'relationship' isn't a relationship. you have to build into the bond, you have to care for the other. and if you really loved them, you should want to do those things.

i wanted something real. a relationship with true feelings for one another, you don't get together just because you think the other person is attractive. you have to be attracted by the person they are. attracted by their company.

your relationship should be also a companionship.

and that's exactly what i had found, a companion...

———-"i promise." i concurred.

his hand was placed on the back of my neck. he gently pushed my head towards him a little further, bringing his lips to my forehead. his lips touched my skin, then leaving another kiss on my temple.

he rested his head down into the crook of my neck. he breathed in deeply. i feel a small smile creep on his lips, against my skin.

sometimes i like to believe my grandma sent me vinnie. considering she always told me i'd find the perfect person for me who would see my value. she told me she was sure of it, i didn't believe her much at the time. and now i thank her so much, and i actually regret not believing her.

a few kisses were placed on my neck. "i love you."

that was the first time he had ever said that. the first time that had ever been said to me by anyone other than my grandmother. it was the last thing he said before he drifted off to sleep comfortably.

i smiled so bashfully, it was almost embarrassing. my eyes tiredly scanned the room before my eyes shut for just a second. i had trouble keeping them open, they felt so heavy but for some reason i didn't want to go to sleep. i just wanted to stay up to stay here with vinnie. as i know it wouldn't last forever.

my eyes reopened, i look straight ahead, out of the window.

i admired the beautiful sunset. peacefully, i just watched it. i look down at the outside of the window ledge to see a blue pipevine swallowtail butterfly with white dots, accompanied by one of the same species with orange dots instead.

my smile grew wider. so happy with the fact knowing my grandmother is here with me, and knowing i'm here with the person sent by my grandmother.

-
word count: 1270
a/n:
this is not what i had in mind at alllllll. it kinda just came to me as i wrote lol