The Blood Drive

Unattractive.

Cigarettes are unattractive
I have no other way of being active
Within myself
I'm an emotional wreck
With lack of respect
Of being an adult
Writing used to get me by
But it would seem my whole life had been a life
How the words on paper would collide
With reality
I never knew I could be so unhappy
How just because of a couple puffs of a cigarette would disrespect my body so much
That I'd be struggling with an addiction
Thus hindering me from doing a lot of things I like to do
I've told me self to tell cigarettes screw you
Fuck off
Like doing is would ward them off
But actuality all it did was burping me even more brutality
I need to breath to find words to write on paper
But I need pain to balance out whatever
It is I may be going through
It would seem I'm just writing these letters to myself to make my way through
The tough times
Because not a would seems to ever have read these lines
I wonder why I haven't even killed myself yet
Why am I still breathing in this toxic air
It would seem regular oxygen couldn't compare
But doing that makes me feel lighter than air
High on life
When before,
I didn't need all that to be the big ball of sunshine that I bore
I need more time
I need more rhymes
Just to justify my actions of what I think is fine
Why can't anyone relate
What's been served on my plate
I guess truth is To ever get through this I have to go through the hate
Of myself and others
Trying to become lovers
Of everything I see in life
Trying to keep my innocence alive
But in such a world or turmoil
It seems like there's no more
I can actually unfurl
I hope the world is big enough
That there's love enough
To love someone so damn crazy
That maybe it would seem I'm not so lost