Celestine

five // célestine

I really thought that would be it. A spontaneous getaway. I'll enjoy the rest of my prolonged break with him and we'll part ways eventually. The first part of this sentence is great. The problem is I don't want to part ways with Jungkook, when it feels like I've waited my whole life to meet him.

I crave to have someone in life who won't be just an acquaintance or a business partner. He's the first one so far to understand why I don't want to finish my break. He's the first one who, instead of convincing me to make a comeback, took me to play drunk basketball as a way to fulfill my wish of more spontaneous life.

It's not a spontaneous getaway. I want to be his friend, and I want him to be mine, and have a permanent spot in my life.

But a spontaneous getaway comes with a lot less expectations than a friendship. A spontaneous getaway is selfish, a friendship is two-sided. If he sees me in the same way, he'll have expectations sooner or later. Whether he realizes it or not. Everyone has expectations. To be a certain way around them, to speak a certain way, to react a certain way, to like the same things. People have expectations and they only stay if you meet them.

But we've just met. I don't want to already be thinking of the possibility of not meeting Jungkook's expectations. I want a break from them. Just for a while to be free and do whatever I want.

It's been three days since our drunk basketball. Jungkook's been busy preparing for the Sapphire Lakes cast party, on top of all the work he's putting on his hands, but every night when he's done with work, we are on the phone, talking about everything and anything.

He tells me about the dishes he's practicing to make sure the party goes well. That reminds me of the pasta I tried to make last night, so I tell him about it. He praises my food without even tasting it. Out of nowhere, we start talking about coconuts. He likes coconut milk, I prefer almond. He likes coconut water, so do I. When I put him on a speaker to do my skin care, he says to wait for him and that he's going to do his, too. When we don't say anything, it's also comfortable. Less lonely, even if we're on two sides of the phone, washing our faces.

And it goes on like that for hours.

But three days become literal years, so I call him earlier today, when I know he's still in the restaurant, as always alone, cleaning. "Do you wanna go out with me?"

There's a pause long enough to make me realize how this question sounds. Jungkook chuckles and asks, "Go out with you?"

"I mean, I want to go out and do something, but I don't wanna go alone. Do you wanna go with me so we can have fun together?" I ask, sinking into the couch, tapping my foot against the floor.

"You wanna go out and do what?" Jungkook asks, chairs thud against the tables in the background.

"I don't know," I say. "I'll see when I'm out. I just wanna do things and have fun."

I've never thought of being more spontaneous with someone else. I always assumed it would be just me, and life would go on somehow. But tasting life with no plans with someone else, with Jungkook, feels right. More than doing it alone. And I'm hoping he's not going to turn down the offer.

Most people like routine and plans, after all. And on top of that, Jungkook is surrounded with business – schedules, fixed working hours. But beyond the business, Jungkook feels like a free spirit. Like if he let loose, he'd be taking from life with no expectations or preparation.

"Let's do it," he says right away, and I am up on my feet. "I need twenty minutes to close up."

"I need twenty minutes to get ready."

I get ready in ten. I was going to go out anyways, even if he wasn't available. It's just going to be more fun with him. But I can't ignore the itch in my chest knowing he's going with me.