Lisa's Pov
I am a rebellious child. That's what I always heard from my father's wife before.
I'm not mad every time I hear that from her, because that's how I want them to feel about me.
I want them hate me, to reject me because i want to go back to my mother.
It's sad to think that my mother died without me being able to spend time with her. I was very angry with my father because he took me away from my mother's care just for the reason that his real wife could not give him a child.
I was born weird. I am a woman with male genitals, at first I just wanted to be a man .
why? to reduce the confusions of what I really am, it's tiring to explain to people why I'm like this.
I want to be a man because that's how I feel and that's what I have. It's just that I can't hide that my body is female and I don't look like a man, so I have no choice but to accept my identity and besides it is easier to hide what is hanging in the middle of my thigh than the curve of my body and my physical feature .
I used to be afraid of what people would think about my condition, but now I don't care.
It's funny to admit but my true personality is way so far from what other people see in me.
Many say that my cold and mysterious personality is really scary, almost everyone who works here at the hotel I manage is afraid of me.
Being cold-hearted is the only easy way I know for me to protect myself from people who just want to use me.
What they don't know. I'm the type of person who gets hurt quickly, and i am afraid of being left alone . That's why i used to do crazy things before , like sleeping with different woman.
But i'm also the type of person who believes in so -called destiny. I also believe in right time, perfect timing and right person. I also do like to ask for a sign, especially when I have personal decisions in life. It's funny that that kind of personality doesn't suit me.
Before I formally met Jennie, I already knew her. I first saw her at a mall with her friends and I will admit that I was fascinated by her. Feels like everything is in slow motion at that time.
Since that day I have been trying to find out information about her. I was also able to beg for my father to let me transfer to the school where she studies and get an apartment near the school.
At first my dad didn't want to, because what point of transferring? I'm already a graduating student that year. Why do I have to move, but because I insisted, he just agreed.
I'll admit I planned everything to get close to her but the part that I entered jennie's unit when i was drunk back then was just an pure accident. I was drunk i'm also surprised the next morning the girl of my dream is in front of me .
I was happy that we became close to each other at that time. I really like her, so I never complain about what she wants to do. I always agree even if it hurt's me, because i don't want us to fight and I don't want her to be upset because of me.
She changed my outlook in life I felt like , some negative things in me became positive because of her . she made me the happiest when i'm with her. Even my relationship with my father and my dad's wife has improved at that time .
I don't know how she can do that but I'm happy that somehow something good happens when I'm with her.
Jennie was the first woman i loved. before i met her, having sex is enough but when I met her everything changed. Being with her without doing anything is more than enough.
For me, Jennie is my Destiny because for me when you are with the person who is destined for you , you become a person that you didn't expect.
I can see my future with her, but it is not possible without trials or problems especially in a relationship.
I'm happy but many times I have been secretly hurt because of her. Every time she avoids me in front of a lot of people, how she forbade me to go to her unit when she was hanging out and the friends were there.
Every time she acts like she doesn't know me when she's with her friends. but that didn't change my desire to love her.
I felt like i am the happiest person in the world when she told me she also loved me but I still can't stop being hurt because our relationship is still secret.
On the day of our graduation I asked God for a sign. I was so happy when she talked to me at school she even hugged me. that was the first time she talked to me outside our apartment. I thought that was the sign I was asking for but it broke my heart when she pulled her parents away from me.
She never introduced me even just as a friend. She was obviously afraid that she would disappoint her parents.
And with that i made the decision to stay away, because for me that's the sign that we're not really for each other.
She was not ready for me and the relationship we had. I know that I will be the only one who will be hurt if I will still continue in that situation .
My relationship with my father was good during that time. It was easy for me to ask to work abroad and he sent me here to New Zealand to manage one of the hotels he owned.
I went back to what I was doing before I met her. sex with a stranger until I met Lara .
I had no news of Jennie for five years. When I returned to Korea I was surprised that I woke up with her we were both naked in the same room.
The last thing I remember that night was I drank at the bar. I don't know how we got to the hotel and I can also see in her reaction that she was also surprised by what happened.
I was so happy when I saw her again but I was hurt when she suddenly left me.
I don't know what destiny wants to convey to me that jennie and I crossed our paths again.
When I saw her earlier I admitted that I wanted to hug her, I was very surprised because I didn't expect that I would see her again, that she would work here. 'why is he here? I thought she was in Korea?.' questions in my mind.
I want us to talk about what happened to us. I also want to apologize to her for leaving without saying goodbye to her 5 years ago but that I was afraid that she might get mad at me so I thought of calming down the situation first.
I closed my eyes to get her out of my mind. I have to focus in my work.
