Style // Sirius Black

Chapter XLIV

It's not until things become elusive that you discover what you have and what you ought to treasure and hold dear. Possibly losing someone and not being able to hold them again brings reality back into check and allows you to understand what it was you have. It is nearly impossible to fathom the thought of not having something that is usually consistent in your life, which makes not having them around you at all times that much more difficult.

It's not always that the person has passed on or is no longer living alongside you. Sometimes it's that distance and the unknown of when you'll see them again. Not being able to rely on that person that you lean on for support when turmoil arises can cause tensions to rise and your anxieties to skyrocket. Their presence alone is something that can bring comfort you didn't even know you had until they are no longer there.

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Lyra slammed the papers down onto the rickety table in her and Sirius's tent, tugging her glasses from her nose and throwing them beside the documents. Sirius was out under the guise of a merchant, wandering through the Little Hangleton town in England. They had agreed that him trying to get wind of anything about Tom Riddle's family could help them find out what they were looking for and where it could be hidden. Dumbledore had said he suspected it was a ring from Tom Riddle's father; what that ring looks like or where in Little Hangleton it is? That was what Lyra was trying to figure out.

Lyra was bordering on insanity. The two of them had been out in the woods for a week, scouring documents and different things they were able to acquire from Sirius's excursions. Lyra had tried to argue with the boy to let her go out one day, but he returned with the fact that Voldemort would probably have people looking for her more than him–especially with her knowing as much as she did about him.

James would usually calm her down whenever her mind stretched itself this thin. Now, she couldn't even contact him. Dumbledore had warned both Lyra and Sirius about communicating with the others at Hogwarts, noting it would be too dangerous for them to send letters. Owls were too easy a target, and the entire plan would be shot. Voldemort could slip into Lyra's head was already a risk enough, and she wasn't even sure she had the power to extend her mind as far as Hogwarts. So, it was indeed her and Sirius alone in the woods of Little Hangleton. No contact outside of one another.

Even after working through their issues, being around the same person nearly twenty-four hours a day while handling stress only known to them brought everyone to the brink of a breakdown.

Lyra reached her hands up to her neck and pulled the sterling silver locket from around her neck, meddling with the circular pendant that dangled from the chain. Her thumb grazed over the diamond in the epicentre before she clicked it open, the locket leaping to display the picture on the inside. Both twins looked so youthful, so naive as their smiles glowed up at Lyra in the motionless image. They never looked similar, except for the few characteristics that only ever looked identical when they were directly next to one another. Her hair was a radiant gold, while James's was a billowing brown twisted atop his head.

Lyra ran her thumb over the photo, tears welling in her waterline. Her heart ached, knowing he wasn't right around the corner from her. She wanted his presence, his energy, his everything. She missed him dearly; he was her anchor in the world in which she lived. Not having James there was like she was missing part of herself, as though half of her heart and half of her mind were waiting for her back at Hogwarts. There was so much of her missing with James not there. It was only now that she realized just how much she relied on his general presence to keep her from spiralling into a frenzy.

"Darling?"

The blonde clasped the locket shut and pulled it over her head, wiping her nose on her jumper's sleeve. It wasn't really hers–it was Sirius's, but still. Lyra glanced around her shoulder and watched Sirius walk into the tent, tugging the hat off of his head. He had rosy cheeks from the chilly air that shrouded the entire village and forest around them. Lyra could tell he had come up short today from the look on his face, no new documents stuffed into the pouch he carried.