The Heart of Fear

XV

C h a p t e r F i f t e e n
of "The Heart of Fear":

"Y-you knew, d-didn't you? Y-you knew that-that Adam h-has lung cancer. Y-you knew." The tears fell onto my cheeks as rain onto the ground, and I felt how my whole body shook from the sobs that held me from speaking.

"Alexandra..."

"N-no! You k-knew! You knew a-all the t-time... and n-now... now he'll b-be gone. He'll be gone." I sank down onto the floor, rocking back and forth as the grief sliced my heart like a knife. He'll be gone, he'll be gone, he'll be gone. I let out a muffled scream before I yet again felt the tears blur my vision.

"Alexandra, I knew that Adam was sick, that is not a secret. But you have to think through it all and-".

"No! My nightmares are turning into reality and he'll be gone and I will be alone and I won't be able to handle it and-" My hysterical cries turned into silent sniffles as my mother raised her voice.

"Alexandra! Adam may be sick, but you have to think through this. He loves you with every bit of his being, and I know you love him just as much. What holds the most importance, living a life without love and pain, or taking the time you get and spending it with the one you love the most? Who knows, you might even get years together. Life is uncertain, but I know that Adam needs you, and I think you know that you need him too. Choose wisely, Alexandra." I shook my head as I mumbled disconnected sentences to my mother, who kissed my forehead and whispered:

"Choose the path your heart desires." And then she walked away. I sat still as pictures of mine and Adam's time together played in front of my eyes. The first time we met, our moments in the library, all the times where he had made the fear fade with his bright love... everything came back. And I had made my decision.