The Heart of Fear

VIII

C h a p t e r E i g h t
of "The Heart of Fear":

One date turned into two, three, four, five. And every one of them was as amazing as the last. And Adam was just as amazing on every one of them.

From a picnic in the park to a dinner at a restaurant to a movie-night. I loved them all just as much, But sincerely, I didn't care where or how we spent our time together, it was Adam who made all the dates special.

I learned a lot about Adam on our dates, we discussed everything between heaven an earth, favourite colours and future plans, love and family. I've also seen some of Adam's different sides; he could be charming and flirting, hysterically funny, romantic and soft. And I was dreaming of discovering more of Adam's personalities and secrets, just as much as I knew he loved discovering new things about me.

Every time I told him something that he had yet to know about me and my surroundings, his eyes lit up, and he never seemed to grow tired of my talking, just as I never could get bored of his.

I had been to Adam's house once, but neither his father nor his mother had been home at the time. Adam told me that his mother seemed to be gone more frequently nowadays, his grandmother had gotten very sick after the death of his grandfather, and his mother was very often at her house to take care of her.

Adam's father seemed to be a hardworking man, but he usually took the time to be with his family on the weekends, as Adam said, even if Adam's mother wasn't home to eat family dinner with them as often as before.

Adam had an exciting little sister, Sophia, whose eyes shone in the same colour as Adam's, enjoyed being outside, playing soccer with her older brother. She was shy, but after spending a whole evening together, it felt as if she was my own sister. I liked her, she was a little firecracker, always wanting to explore. The only time where she could be still were when we watched Disney-movies. She loved talking about them, describing every little detail in every movie that she had seen, and I found it incredibly fascinating. Almost as fascinating as I found Adam.

Sophia wasn't the only one who knew how often Adam and I saw each other, my mother had been forced to listen to me rambling how fantastic Adam were. Yet, it seemed as if something was slightly off about her, especially when I was talking about Adam. Maybe she had started seeing someone, maybe she was afraid of telling me, and my speeches of Adam were a constant reminder of her fears? I was curious, but afraid of how my life would change even more.

I was happy for the sake of my mother, if she had finally found someone, but at the same time - it had only been us for so long. I was afraid of how different everything would turn out to be if my mother chose to call someone her one. Yet, things had already changed drastically.

I had Adam now, and he was all I needed to be happy. The constant butterflies, the warmth that spread through my body and the smile that never left my lips when I was thinking about him. I really liked him, and I hoped that he liked me, too.

Especially since he had switched classes, just to have a schedule that was matching mine more than his old one. It took me a couple of days before I got the answer to why our breaks suddenly seemed to be at the same time. He told me that he unfortunately couldn't switch directly to mine, but that anything that gave us more time together was better than having our schedules prying us apart. Adam said he couldn't handle being away from me, and I had almost kissed him right then and there. Almost.

We had looked each other deeply in the eyes, his honeybrown eyes mesmirizing my own. He had leaned in, and I had whispered that he didn't have to switch classes, that it would have been the same anyways, but he had said that it was necessary, that it was the least he could do for us.

I hand't been able to think of anything else but his beautiful facem his pink-laced cheeks, strong jawline and full lips. We had leaned in even more, and when our faces had been only inches apart, I had turned my head and left a lingering kiss on his cheek as I thanked him.

I didn't know why I hadn't let him kiss me, but it felt as if it wasn't the right time. I liked Adam, I liked him very, very much, but I was also afraid. It felt odd, having someone to look after, and I wanted to make sure that Adam wasn't going anywhere before I gave him something that I wouldn't be able to take back. Something like my first kiss, and my love. It was meant for the right time, the right moment, and even though it felt as if that moment weren't far away, I just wasn't ready yet.

I didn't know when I would be able to give Adam everything I knew he wanted to give me, but I was sure that it was Adam I wanted to share everything with. All the love that I hadn't felt in so many years was starting to fill my heart to the peek, it seemed to be dancing inside of me, swirling around like the waves in the sea, and I was only waiting to share it with Adam. But not yet.