The Heart of Fear

XII

C h a p t e r T w e l v e
of "The Heart of Fear":

I shifted my feet nervously, worried of what's to come. Adam was supposed to be here in five minutes, and we were goint to take the bus to his house together. He would treat me with dinner, and today, his whole family would be gathered at the table. What if they wouldn't like me?

I really wanted to make a good impression on Adam's family, just as he had impressed mine. It was important for me to have the acceptance from our families even if we wasn't officially something at the moment. We didn't have a term on our relationship, a relationship that wasn't labelled, either.

I wondered if we were ver going to officially label who we were to each other. I was already sure of what Adam meant to me, and he liked telling me what I meant to him, too. I couldn't doubt our feelings; I knew that Adam was the only one I was interested in, but we had never discussed coming out as boyfriend and girldfriend, not officially.

It wasn't really necessarily, words could not change the way I felt for Adam, but I still wondered how it would feel to call him mine.

Our minimal physical contace made me wonder if I did the right thing, but I knew that Adam knew about my fear of taking something too far; I wasn't ready yet, and Adam respected it. But I still could not help but imagine how it would feel if his lips were pressed against mine, my fingers combing through his golden locks, his hands interwining behind my back, my body protected in his arm embrace. Yet, I was afraid.

I was afraid of how much I really wanted to kiss him, to be with him. I knew that when I finally fell for his love, then I would never be able to say no to it again, there would be no turning back, and I was afraid that I would fall too early, at a time where I wasn't ready.

Suddenly, I heard how someone knocked on the door, and I rushed to open it. A boy whose golden locks kept his gorgeous eyes hidden stood by my door, a smile as beautiful as starlight painting his lips. I smiled, too, and opened my arms for him.

He lifted me up and spun me around, his angelic laugh filling the air, and I realised that no matter how scary his family might me, nothing would keep me away from this boy. He was my everything.

○

After a bus ride full of panicattacks and reassurances, we finally came to Adam's house. The house was beautiful, even more than the first time I saw it, the white walls seemed to shine, and the flowers could almost be seen from the backyard. The last time I was here, Adam told me that his mother planted flowers in their backyard because she wished that her children would grow up in a place as beautifulo as heaven itself. I, myself, knew that Adam was my heaven, but I didn't have the courage to speak up as he continued to talk about the different flowers.

"You'll make it through this, Lexie. And they will love you." I nodded, thankful for his support, before I knocked faintly on the door.

"Alex!" It was Sophia who opened the door, and her small arms hugged my legs tightly when she saw that it was me. I laughed before I bent down and took her petite frame in my arms.

"Hello, Sophia." Sophia laughed and hugged me once again before she waved at Adam.

"Mommy and Daddy are in the kitchen. They're waiting for you." I nodded and gently sat her down on the floor before I took my shoes and jacket off.

"Are you coming?" Sophia asked impatiently, and we laughed before Adam led me to the kitchen, one arm around my waist, and Sophia a few meters ahead of us.

"Mom, Dad, this is Alexandra."

○

The dinner was amazing; the food was tasting heavenly and Adam's parents were nice. They listened to every word I said, and seemed genuinely interested in my opinion. I liked the, they were friendly and full of respect, and they loved their children dearly, the only task a parent have.

Before it was time for dessert, Julia, Adam's mother, said that we could go up to his room for a little while. Sophia was sitting in front of the TV and Stephen, Adam's father, had to take some business calls in the office. Elisabeth herself said that she had some things to take care of in the kitcken, and she swatted us away before we could protest.

Therefore, we were in Adam's room, sitting on his bed, listening to the sound of Adam's mother doing the dishes downstairs. I turned around so that I was sitting with my head facing Adam - I took every opportunity I got to just look at him. I often wondered how lucky I was to find someone as amazing as Adam. He was perfect for me, and I could only hope that I, too, was perfect for him.

Adam turned around slowly so that his eyes connected with mine.

"I really like your family, Adam. They are amazing." I blushed, feeling ashamed of my lack of talking subjects. It was always Adam who started our conversations, the best ones at least, seeing as he laid much thought into his words, and I just said the things that were on my mind due to my nervous self.

"They loved you," Adam smiled, "But they didn't love you as much as I do." He leaned forward and hung a chain around my neck, his name written gold on the beautiful necklace, before he whispered how perfect everything was as he showed me his necklace, my name shining like the brightest of stars.

And it was in that moment, when all nervousness and all doubts disappeared, in the light of a light bulb, on a bed in a residental area, that I felt whole.

It was then were I knew that the boy who at across of me with his legs crossed was the right one for me, that he was the world. When the lamp made the gold in his haiar shine and his eyes locked with mine, the passion of love swirling around his irises, and his smooth voice whispered that he loved me more than the whole world, and the feeling of his hands caressing my cheek made goosebumps rise and warmth flow through my body - it was then I knew that I was in love with him.

It was then where I followed my heart and leaned forward, my arms around his neck, my head against his chest; it was then I knew how much I truly loved him. And that was what I whispered, over and over again did I whisper how much I loved him. And he held me, he held me tight and for a second I could hear how our heart beat together, and I could see how our worlds were beginning to interwine with one another.

I love you more than the summer,

more than the sea,

more than the sand that kisses my feet

I love you more than the autumn,

more than the dancing of the leaves in the wind,

more than the colours of love that paints the world

I love you more than the winter,

more than the sparkling cold of the snow,

more than the echoing sound of the childrens laughter

I love you more than the spring,

more than the birth of the flowers,

more than the melody of the birds

I love you more than the moon and the sun,

I love you more than the world and life itself,

I love you in a way I've never loved anyone before

And I hope that the love won't be the cause of my death,

because I wouldn't be able not to love you.