The Heart of Fear

V

C h a p t e r F i v e
of "The Heart of Fear":

It'd been two weeks, and I hadn't heard anything from Simon and Jack. No more whispers in the hallway, and for that I was thankful. But, I hadn't heard anything from Adam, either.

Maybe it was for the best; I needed to focus on my education, and Adam... he would probably be better off without me anyway. I wasn't anything special, and that was probably why Adam didn't want to see me anymore, he had lost his interest in me after I had helped him with his Biology, but I understood. I was boring, I couldn't compete with any of his friends. I was just me.

Yet, I wanted him to come back, I wanted him to want to be with me.

I was selfish, I only wanted Adam for myself. I didn't want Simon or Jack to be with him, I wanted him to be with only me. I knew it wasn't fair, but I liked Adam. He was different from the rest, and I didn't want someone to change him.

I was sitting in the library, reading. I didn't want to sit in the classroom, I didn't want to be close to any of my classmates. Their constant bicker about gossip made me uneasy, and they could not be quiet when I wanted to work. They didn't have enough respect to even give me a chance to try to finish the assignments that I had missed when I transferred. I didn't like them.

The library had become somewhat my holy place. I could walk there whenever I wanted to be left alone, or concentrate on something. It was relaxing, peaceful, and I could sit amongst my reality-escape. The world of books had always saved me from the words of all the cruel people around me.

But I missed Adam.

I missed all those times where we had been sitting in the library, the laughs we had shared. But I was scared of how much of an important source of happiness Adam had become in my life. It had always just been me, and my mother, and now that Adam had found his way into my life, I didn't want him to leave. But it was too late for that kind of wishing, 'cause he was already gone, even if I had an hard time comprehending the fact.

I sighed, everything had become so complicated. It was much easier before, when I didn't have anyone to lose. I could to everything that had to be done, without distractions, and I didn't have to reflect to why my friend had left me. I kind of missed it, not being worried, not thinking so much about unexplainable things.

I let go of the book I was holding, laying it on the table, before I ran a hand through my hair. Then, I let both of my hands fall onto my lap, sighing. Maybe I should stop thinking so much.

With another long sigh, I grabbed the book and let my eyes wander over the cursive writing. I couldn't concentrate on the book, the sentences didn't come to life on the white paper as they usually did. I didn't like it, not being able to read the way I used to, with engagement. But that's what thinking does to you.

Suddenly, I felt how the book was ripped from my grasp. I gasped and looked around, scared of what might be coming. Who took my book?

My eyes fell on a blue hoodie on the right side of me, and I slowly raised my gace until the face of the person came in sight. I was met by golden hair, pink lips pressed into a thin line, and brown eyes that no longer geld the warmth I had grown fond of. Adam.

"We need to talk." In his left hand, I could see the spine of my book, and I sighed. Just the personwho I wanted to talk to, I thought bitterly.