The Heart of Fear

XIII

C h a p t e r T h i r t e e n
of "The Heart of Fear":

After the dinner at Adam's house, we started coming over to each other more frequently, and it felt more naturally for each time. It felt as if Adam's family were my own, and I hoped that Adam felt the same way with mine.

Even though the meeting of our families had went by smoothly, something wasn't right. Adam had seemed to be lost in thought for the last couple of days, it seemed as if something was clouding his beautiful mind.

I didn't like it, I wanted Adam to be happy and carefree - and I wanted him to tell my when something wasn't okay, but I knew that Adam had to take the first step and speak up. It was clearly something that bothered him, but if he wasn't telling me by his own free will - then he wasn't ready to talk about it at all.

He had always respected my decisions, my thoughts and my fears, the least I could do was respecting his. If he didn't feel comfortable in telling me at this very moment, then he didn't have to. I respected his silence.

As long as the secret wasn't going to kill him, then I was okay with not knowing, even if my only wish was for him to be happy. I loved him, and I didn't want anything to be in our way when we had finally started to create ourselves the thought of a future. Unfortunately, this secret seemed to force us apart. I didn't like it, but the secret wasn't the only thing standing in our way. My fear of losning control was still standing there, towering over us like a brickwall.

You do stupid things when you're in love, and if you let your love control your actions - then you're bound to get hurt. That was what I was afraid of, especially seeing as I knew that I would never be okay without Adam. He was the only one, my only one, and there was no one else who would be able to compete with him, no one who would be able to fill the emptiness in my heart if Adam left.

My heart was telling me that Adam would never do such a thing a thing, that he would never leave me by choice, but my mind was always warning me that Adam were going away. I didn't know what to believe, not when it felt as if it was only a part of Adam who were speaking to me. It confused me to no end.

I sat on the sofa, deep in thought, as I heard how someone knocked on the door. I threw a glance at the clock and furrowed my eyebrows. It was nine o'clock in the morning, and it was Saturday. My mother was working, and Adam usually didn't wake up until ten o'clock.

Uncertainly, I grabbed a hoodie from one of the chairs in the kitchen before I walked to the door. My steps were slow, careful, and I hesitated before I opened the door.

I was met by the sun shining brightly, and I was left blinded for a few seconds. When my eyes recovered from the sudden light, I saw how the ground was covered by rose petals.

I took a couple of steps out in the light, and leaned forward to get a better look of the road. The trace of petals continued alongside the road before it turned into a small forest. It was not too far away from where I stood watching, seeing as I lived a bit outside of the town. Here, the nature were growing more freely.

I closed the door behind me and started to follow the trace of rose petals. When I came to the small forest, I glanced around. It seemed as if nothing but a few cars were driving by, no people was wandering around. It made me feel slightly uncomfortable, but my curiousity was telling me to continue into the forest, and so I did.

In a small clearing, I found a box of chocolate, a couple of glass jars filled with my favourite sweets, and a small teddy bear with a red heart on its chest. In front of me, on the other side of the clearing, was a sign. It was hanging between two trees, red balloons on either side of it.

I have now loved you for what seems to be an eternity...

I heard how something cracked behind me, and I slowly turned around. Behind me stood the gorgeous boy I have now come to love, a paper in his hands.

So let me ask you;

Will you be my girlfriend?

I threw myself into his embrace, his strong arms around my waist as mine interwined at the nape of his neck.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!" I turned my head upwards and met his gace that mirrored the same hapiness that spread through my body before I pressed myself closer to him. Adam kissed my forehead and whispered:

"This is the moment I've waited for ever since I saw you." I smiled, because what else could I do?

He was beautiful, he was kind-hearted, he was mine, he loved me. And I loved him, oh, I loved him. I loved him in the same way my heart was playing the melody of the birds, in the same way the waves hit the beach as the water danced, in the same way the sun shone to light up the path for her sisters. But then, when his arms lost their grip of my waist, and instead came to clutch his paining chest. When my loved one fell to the ground, his face showing nothing but agony; then I wasn't smiling anymore. Then, I screamed.