At the Heir's Request

Chapter 40

Shanique Grant

"Fabian is having a baby girl." I tell Dr. Grey with smile on my face.

We have been having private sessions for months now without Anderson. She suggested that I needed a space to deal with my trauma outside of couples counseling and Anderson had agreed seeing that he does private sessions as well.

I was scared to be here by myself initially, seeing that I only knew her through Anderson and our joint sessions. Dr Grey in the joint session is totally different from Dr Grey during one on one though. The tactics and lines of questioning are not the same and I feel like I'm in a safe bubble for at least an hour.

"When did you find out?" She asked, sounding just as excited as me.

I was happy for Fabian and Shawntel. They both are excited to be having a girl and I'm excited to buy more clothes. I've been shipping majority of the stuff to Barbados because that's where she's having the baby, unfortunately. I wanted her to come here but that's not what she wanted.

I'm going to be an Aunty soon and I'm grateful. As much as I still have a deep desire to bare my own children, I'm happy to be able to get this form of blessing.

"We found out last week. She's healthy and growing."  I smiled. She is due in December and I want her to come early. Anderson has already booked our flights and hotels for our month long trip. I would hate to miss her birth if she comes in the latter part of the month.

"How have you been feeling about all of this?" Dr Grey inquired.

I breathed in deeply as I try to assess my true feelings. I felt happy for Fabian.

He was so hard working and fierce in his loyalty to those he loved. He is my big brother who when growing up would do everything in his power to protect me.

His happiness is my happiness and I could never feel any ill will towards him.

"I'm happy." I tell her with a smile and she nodded.

I left my session with Dr Grey feeling good. It's like I shed all the stress that I packed on during the week all on her office floor.

Meeting with her without Dan gives me the freedom to be a bit more vulnerable. It's not that Dan makes me uncomfortable, it's just that I'm a bit less hesitant to really express some of my darkest thoughts. I don't want to scare him by delving into the sick place my mind took me during my illness.

Thinking about them scare me sometimes. I was trapped in a vortex of self damaging thoughts. I knew I couldn't carry a child, my body kept telling me that I couldn't. Yet, I kept forcing myself to get pregnancy with the thoughts of, "do it or die". I wanted to die.

If Anderson knew this he would probably lock me in a tower and never let me out again. My kind, sweet selfless husband does not deserve to relive those horrific months. He deserves happiness and a doting wife.

"Shanique!" someone shouted my name as I walked across the parking lot. The hell?

Looking around I spotted her hurrying over to me.  I thought I got rid of this bitch.

I turned around, continuing my journey to my car. Today is not the day for the devil to play with me.

"Shanique!" She called again, much closer to me this time.