Wolf & Coyote Mercenary Services [Looney Tunes AU]

Episode 6: As You Talk, So Is Your Heart

The rest of the weekend passes without further incident, and it's back to business. As the week progresses, however, Ralph notices a subtle shift in Wile's behavior. He's more quiet than usual, answering the wolf's queries curtly the few times he bothers to. He would go out alone for extended periods of time, and when he is not, Ralph would find him tinkering away at some gadget or drawing up blueprints. It leaves him wondering, What is going on in that scruffy head of his?

One sunny morning, Ralph finds Wile E. sitting beside the coffee table, scrawling notes and marks on a large map of Acme City. Split into color-coded quadrants with ACME Corp at its core, the illustrated city provides a simplistic yet insightful summary of its many landmarks.

To the north is the heavily urbanized region the duo resides in, where apartments and nightclubs reign supreme. To the west is the location of Sylvester and Speedy's neighborhoods, a primarily residential area with the exception of the Acme Superstore and Acme Looniversity. To the east is the bulk of local entertainment output, including Acme Studios, the WCME Radio Tower, and the Acme World theme park. Finally, to the south is the centerpoint of all international travel and transport, home to the airport and the city docks. Looking at the city from this perspective, Ralph notices a strong resemblance to the Land of Oz that he read about as a pup.

"What's with the map? If you need to go somewhere, my phone's got GPS."

"Thanks, but it's easier if I have everything laid out like this." Wile E. takes a red marker and draws a circle around a spot in the North Quarter, titling it "BACKSLIDE". He then marks another circled area in the East Quarter, labeled as "GOODFEATHERS", with a thick, black X.

Quickly recognizing the meaning of the marks, Ralph says, "Y'know, if you're gonna go solo, you could at least tell me ahead of time. We are partners in this business."

"Alright, then. I'm going solo."

Ralph shoots him a glare. "That wasn't the response I was hoping for, but fine, be like that. But when you run into trouble you can't fight or nerd your way out of, you'll be begging for my help!"

Wile rolls up the map and meets Ralph's gaze. "Would you like to make a bet on that?"

A sinister grin forms across the red wolf's muzzle. "You know me all too well, honey. Let's keep it simple: if you can run your next mission entirely without my assistance, I'll get you anything you want... plus the Zhuge Liang Repeating Crossbow. But if you can't, you have to go on a date with me."

Wile's brow rises. "A date? Like a date-date?"

"Yeah. No skunks, no cats, no kids. Just you, me, and Acme World." As if from thin air, he flashes a flyer for the aforementioned theme park.

Skimming the flyer, he grins smugly. "A curious gamble, I must say. Alright, then. I accept."

"Yes!" With a skip to his step, Ralph leaves the apartment, shouting, "We're going to Acme World!"

Pepé, who happened to be passing by during the wolf's sudden burst of excitement, raises a brow in response. "What was all that about?"

"Just Ralph being his usual self," Wile replies. "Nothing to fret about."

"Um, okay. Say, I have to run some errands over in NQ Main. Would you mind joining me? We can drop by the bookstore café for lunch."

Recalling that the street in question was a marked location on his map, he answers, "That's perfect, actually. I was thinking of heading in that direction. Lead the way, mon ami."

***

The ecstasy still hasn't died down. I get a chance to go on a date with Wile E.! It's not the most conventional means of asking someone out, but when the opportunity came up, Ralph had to take it. As he dresses himself, he makes a call to spread the news. "Morning, Sam! You won't believe what just happened. I made a bet with Wile E.—which I am very confident I'll win—and we'll be going to Acme World once it all blows over."

"Morning, Ralph. You called at just the right time. I have a job for you."

"A job? But don't you have investigators for that?"

"We're tied up in other cases, and Inspector Duck..." An indistinguishable voice—most likely from the aforementioned inspector—squawks in the background on Sam's end. "He's a special case all on his own. Besides, I think your skills will prove handy."

"Oh? Do go on."

"Someone broke into ACME Corp, and security footage identified the perp as an escaped criminal named Penelope Pussycat. This isn't something I normally do, but I'm willing to bend the rules a bit if it means getting the job done. Also, I trust you."

Ralph's heart leaps to his throat. When was the last time Sam said something so sentimental? Or is he merely talking from a professional standpoint? "Thanks, buddy. Send the details over to the company email and my agent will handle the rest."

"Sure thing. I'll also buy you those tickets for your date."

The comment sends a striking jolt through his body. "Seriously? You really don't have to..."

"I'll send them over when you finish the job. I'm counting on you, Ralph."

Tears well up in his eyes, and he answers with confidence, "You can count on me, deputy!"