Wolf & Coyote Mercenary Services [Looney Tunes AU]

Episode 5: Out of This World

Since the debacle in Acme Studios went public, Wolf & Coyote's Item Reclamation and Personal Negotiation Services—Sylvester's attempt at euphemizing the duo's legally dubious occupation into something more PR-friendly—has received a drastic increase in clientele. They've accepted all kinds of odd jobs, ranging from rescuing lost pets to "negotiating" with local gang leaders, and the payment varies just as wildly.

Wile E., covered in scratches and bruises, drags himself into the apartment and flops himself on the couch. Following close by is Ralph, who collapses before he can even cross the doorway. As Pepé drags the wolf in and proceeds to mend their injuries, he expresses his perturbation. "Comment diable...? What got you two in such a mess?"

"Cat got stuck in a tree," Wile answers.

"A really, really big cat," adds Ralph.

"At least the zookeepers paid well."

Pepé's brows furrow with worry. "You two have been working yourselves too hard. You should take it easy for a bit."

Ralph adjusts himself to a more comfortable position, his joints and neck cracking in pain all the while. "A massage would be great right about now. Come to think of it, I don't think Wile's seen much of the city, have you, buddy?"

"Can't say I have. I've been meaning to take a research trip to the library, but never found the time."

"Why go to a ratty old library when Looney exists?" Ralph waggles his phone. "That reminds me, you still don't have a smartphone, do you? We can go shopping for one this weekend. Oh, and we can go to a café and see a movie and..."

During their conversation, Pepé turns on the television and is about to change the channel when a news segment pops up, reported by a green and yellow parakeet named Barry Budgie. "This weekend, the Acme Legacy Museum of Outstanding Science and Technology will be holding a special exhibition where ACME Corporation will be revealing never-before-seen creations. Bugs Bunny, CEO of ACME Corp, will be personally attending the grand opening. When asked about what to expect from this show, he responds with, 'It will be out of this world'. Quite the bold statement, if I say so myself."

The two wild dogs, ears perked in curiosity throughout the segment, turn to look at each other, sly smirks across their faces. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Wiley?"

"Looks like our plans got made for us."

***

The day arrives and the two excitedly prepare for the evening occasion. Ralph is especially meticulous in regards to dress, struggling to toe the line between "date night" formal and "just two bros hanging out" casual. "Hey, Wiles, which one do you like more?" he asks while holding up two tops: a red V-cut wrap-around sweater, and a white polo shirt with red trim and mid-length sleeves.

Wile, who is occupied with digging through a box full of used clothing delivered from Sylvester's residence, takes a quick glance at the garments, shrugs, and picks the former. He pulls out a Hawaiian shirt and cringes.

"You need help with that?"

"Nah, I'll bear with it," he answers as he digs up a pale blue dress shirt and slips it on. After buttoning it up, he instantly notices something off. The shirt hangs loosely on his frame, and paradoxically the sleeves end right before the wrist—proportions more fit for a stouter cat than a taller, lankier canine.

"If you're going to be wearing that, you might as well match it with some pants." Ralph rummages through the closet and tosses a pair of blue jeans to the coyote. Compared to the shirt, the fit is notably better, though it is still a bit loose. "You'll fill into it sooner or later. Here's a belt in the meantime." He steps back and inspects the ensemble. "There's something still missing... Ah, I've got it!" Once again, he searches the closet, then takes out a black leather motorcycle jacket. "Try this on."

Intrigued, Wile slips it on without hesitation. Compared to everything else he's tried on, it's a perfect fit. He re-adjusts the blouse and zips the jacket up. "Hm. Not bad. I like it. What do you think, Ralph?"

Ralph's heart stops for a second. Between the informal elegance of the dress shirt and casual edge of the jacket and jeans, Wile E. oozes coolness. Swallowing his nerves, he whispers, "You. Look. Incredible!"