Don't run from me (Book 3)

Chapter 33: My Kitty Kat

Katrina Johnson

I was having a mixture of feelings as I let go of Mason's hand. I was thrilled that he finally remembered me and thanks to what? Thanks to a silly joke he once told me. I don't even know why I blurted it out. I just felt like I had to say it out loud. Aside from being happy, I was alarmed by his words. 'I remembered the pain.' Obviously, I had hurt him more than I thought I did. A few times after being ignored, he just stopped trying to reach me and I thought he just got over me. I never thought I caused him so much pain.

"Mason..."

"No, don't Kat. I remember everything. I remember you coming into my room, making it clear you wanted me. The next morning you just left without saying anything, and after that, you ghosted me, Kat! Why would you do that to me? You knew how much you meant to me. You knew that night meant to me a lot more than just sex... unless..."

"Unless what, Mason? Please don't over-analyze this and misunderstand my reaction..." I pleaded looking deeply into his eyes.

"Unless you hated it. Was it that bad? Huh? Was it that bad that you did everything you can to avoid me even during work meetings?"

"Oh, Mason... That night was far from being bad."

"Then what? It's driving me crazy again, just like it did before!"

"It was the most special night I had, Mason," I spoke softly.

"Then why did you run from me, Kat!"

"I didn't run from you! I was running from myself!" He calmed down and looked at me confusion clear on his face. "I've been avoiding you my whole life for two reasons. The first one was that I thought I wasn't that important, I thought you didn't remember me when in fact you did but you didn't recognize me. The second reason was fear. My fears and complexes."

I took a deep breath and wiped my tears away "I was scared to let you in. I was scared to love you only to be rejected afterward. I was protecting myself from heartbreak. And I was successful until I met Ayden and he shattered me. Then you came back into my life and I didn't trust myself around you... I did my best to stay away no matter how strong the pull to you was. And that night..."

Mason took my hand in his encouraging me. I gave him a weak smile, "That night I couldn't stop myself. I was having an internal battle... I wanted you and for the first time in my life I forgot about my insecurities and I completely let go of my worries. But when I woke up the next morning, I felt at peace, I felt happy in your arms and at home. Those feelings terrified me, Mason, they were foreign to me and I needed time to understand them. I needed time to reconcile with myself thinking I had made the biggest mistake of my life because one day, you'll wake up and realize I'm not good enough for you. You'll realize how different we are and you'll want nothing to do with me."

"Kat, I would never..."

"I know that now... but at the time I didn't. I ran away because I freaked out at how good it was being with you. I had never felt like that with anyone, and I was distraught by it. My insecurities resurfaced, and I was nervous and an emotional mess. I was breaking all over again, so I left. I wanted to be ready for you Mason, I thought I'll just disappear for a few days..."

"But days turned into weeks, and weeks into months..."

I nodded nibbling nervously on my lower lip. I had just poured out my heart to him. I had just told him everything I felt that night. And now he'll truly see me as the mess I really am.

"Everyone told me to follow my heart, but how could I when my heart was already broken into tiny pieces? I was so lost when I saw you in that conference room. I was building up my walls again, to protect myself from you... but I failed and you know why?"