Vanilla, Cherries, and Cigarettes

Chapter 3

Louis - 2021 - pt. 3

Louis breathed in and he smelled it. Vanilla and cherries. He fell to his knees at the strong scent, Harry followed, not letting go of the hug for a second. The smell on the jumper was old and faded. Louis had slowly gotten used to it. But this- this was overwhelming. It was real, right in front of him.

"Harry-" He started but the only thing that came out after that was an ugly sob. They were sitting on the floor in each other's arms and Louis can't help but think that it should've been this way all along. It never should've stopped. They never should've stopped

"I'm so sorry, Louis." Louis could hear Harry's tears. He was crying too. Louis wasn't ready to say it but he knew he had to. He knew it was time to finally be honest. Not only with Harry but with himself too. He's been lying to himself for years. He's been completely unable to admit it to himself.

"No, Harry. It's- it's not your fault." Louis finally said and pulled out of the hug to look into his eyes, gripping both shoulders strongly. "It's mine. I know and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've stayed. I shouldn't have walked away. I couldn't take it."

"Lou, I- I messed up too. You had every right to walk away. I can't pretend I was innocent here." Harry was shaking his head repeatedly like he was trying to convince himself that he was at fault.

"Stop, this isn't going to change anything. We're just tossing blame around. We need to just address the problem like adults." Louis said, surprising himself with his calmness.

"We're lying on the floor crying, I don't really feel like an adult right now." Harry laughed through a choked-back sob.

"I know, we just need to talk and-"

"Can I show you something?" He interrupted Louis.

"Uh, yeah, sure."

Harry pulled out his phone and began typing something in. He then put his phone back in his pocket and stood up, pressing the button for the lift to start moving again.

"What? I thought you were going to show me something." Louis stood up and stared at him with confusion.

"I am. You have to follow me, dummy." The doors opened and they were on the ground floor. "Can you tell your car that you'll come with me?"

"I- uh yeah. One minute." Louis texted his driver to leave without him. "Okay."

Harry nodded and got out of the lift, Louis following confusedly. He squeezed the handle of the duffle bag anxiously. He's not... scared or anything. He trusts Harry but, he doesn't know where they're going and Louis isn't the fondest of new places. Harry led Louis to his car and the pair got into the backseat. Louis sat hesitantly and buckled.

"Hey, Tom." Harry greeted his driver. After a few minutes of awkward silent driving, Louis spoke tentatively.

"Harry?" He looked away from the window and gave an acknowledging hum. "Where are we going?"

"Um," Harry looked down to his hands and played with the edge of his sleeve nervously, "Home."

Louis felt like someone had shot him in the heart. The word home wasn't even real to him anymore. Harry must've sensed his reaction as he quickly backtracked.

"I mean, uh, my home. Where I live." He stumbled awkwardly.

"Oh, right," Louis nodded. He knew where Harry lived, not in the creepy way or anything. It was the last place they lived together. He knew Harry had never left it. Louis wanted to get out of the car. He wanted to run far away, throw on the jumper, and smoke through an entire pack of cigarettes, nasty habit be damned. He just couldn't go back there. It's too much.