Vanilla, Cherries, and Cigarettes

Chapter 1

"Hey, Lou." Niall sighed defeatedly like he already knew why Louis was calling and had been expecting it.

"Hey, Niall, something you wanna share with the rest of the class?" Louis sassed, trying his best to mask his anxiety but not his anger.

"I'm sorry for not telling you, but-"

"Yeah what the hell?!" Louis interrupted Niall, annoyance getting the best of him.

"BUT..." Niall began defensively, "it's not my fault. They told me not to tell you yet-"

"Who did?!"

"Jesus Louis, let me get through this." He paused and Louis imagined him rolling his eyes at the other end of the line. "Well, they told me not to tell you yet because we know about the anxiety and didn't want you to worry about it longer than you had to."

"I appreciate that you took my mental health into consideration but it's worse finding out through a news article accidentally than dealing with the reunion together."

"Yeah, I realize that. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Who's they? Who told you not to tell me yet?"

"Like I said, it was a mutual decision. Between us-"

"Who's us?!" Louis almost shouted impatiently, not understanding why Niall wouldn't just tell him already.

"The boys. Liam, Zayn, and-" He hesitated, "and Harry."

Louis decided to brush past that name and focus on the other confusing part. "So Zayn's coming back too?"

"He's thinking about it. He's not completely sure but I really do think he's going to say yes."

"Okay," Louis thought for a second in their silent pause, "And everyone's really ready to come back?"

"Yeah. I mean, we won't be with Modest! anymore. And it'll be easier this time around because we know what we're doing."

Louis didn't say anything, lost in thought, and worry.

"You okay, Lou? I know it's a lot but, we all want to and if you don't, then we'll call the whole thing off. We're not doing it without you."

"I- yeah, I'm ready." Louis lied. He was definitely not ready to face it all again. What if it all goes terribly wrong? What if they sound awful together after years of solo careers? What if it's a total shitshow? And Louis is definitely not ready to face him again. He can't. He knows he'll break down and embarrass the shit out of himself just by looking at him. He can't see him. But...

Louis really wants this. He wants the reunion. He misses sharing the stage. He misses singing with his friends. He misses laughing uncontrollably with Niall during solos. He misses the banter with Zayn. He misses the water fights and ridiculous races with Liam. And he misses...

He just misses it, okay. All of it. More than he'd like to admit, of course, because Louis is stubborn. He'll admit that much, he's a stubborn little fucker and he knows it.

He squeezed the sweater sleeve tighter and tugged at the bottom of it.

"Louis? Are you alright? You're breathing really loudly? Is this a panic attack? Do I need to call someone? Should I-"

"Niall, I'm fine." Louis interrupted his concerned and nervously blabbering friend.

"We're having a meeting with..." Niall hesitated, "we're having a meeting with Simon in two days. I was going to call you tomorrow to let you know but you called so..."