I guess he really did hate this stuff, because as soon as it touched him, he gripped the counter so tight I thought he was going to break it. I looked up and his eyes were squeezed shut. I pulled the cotton ball away, “Sorry, we are almost done I promise,” I got more on it and pressed it to him again, this time he let out a groan. My guess is it hurt bad by the way it was bubbling, it was infected with dirt from the fight. “There, done,” I grabbed his face and looked at him, he was still feeling the stinging though and kept his eyes closed, “God I hate you right now, but love you at the same time,” He said. I laughed and kissed his cheek, “suck it up,” I pulled back. He opened his eyes and let his grip on the counter loosen. I wrapped a band-aid wrap around his middle section five times to make sure it was good. Then smiled at my work. “Thanks Doctor Morgan,” He smiled at me.
After we cleaned everything up we went to his room. He laid down and pulled me down too, yeah I was a little jumpy about it but I didn't care. He pulled me close to him, his breathing was slow, I figured he was fighting back the pain. I rolled over and faced him playing with his hair, “You told you wouldn't get in a fight with him,” I whispered. He just looked at me, “I couldn't help it, I seen him and lost control,” he admitted. I guess I understand his point, I mean I would freak out of I was him too, but I don't need him getting hurt or going to jail, I needed him here with me. “Josh....” I whispered again looking at his face, he at me, “Promise never to fight him again, no matter what the case,” I said in a serious tone. He looked a little taken back by what I just said and sat up. I sat up too, “Josh I mean it. I dont even care what it is, you can't fight with him,” I repeated again. “I can't make promises like that Morgan, if he even thinks about--” I cut him off, “Josh.... I am asking you not to, alright you already got hurt because of me and I don't want it to happen again,” I said with a little louder tone this time.
This was our second biggest fight we have had, and I hated it. “I will not promise you anything Morgan,” He says looking at me. I don't look back though I focus on my fingers, “why wont you do this for me,” I whisper. He pulls my face toward him with his hand, “Because, the only way he can possibly hurt me, is if he hurts you.” He said with a genital voice. I looked at his eyes, he was dead serious I could tell, but I still wanted him to promise me. “He can't hurt me anymore than he already has Josh, so just forget about him,” I snapped standing up. I might have been going overboard with this but I don't want someone I love getting hurt just because the other person wants me. Josh got up, in pain and almost falls but catches himself, “Morgan... Why won't you let people help you?” he asked in frustration. I looked away, completely turned the other way.
I haven't accepted anyone's help since my mom died. She wanted to help and look where that got her. I don't want the same to anyone else who helps me, so I learned to let myself deal with pain. “Morgan?” Josh's voice snapped me back to reality. I was still turned away from him, I was on the verge of tears, “Because, you wouldn't understand. I don't need anyone’s help Josh,” I said wiping my eyes clear of tears. Then he placed his hand on my shoulder, and at that second so many things came back to me. I jumped and moved to the corner of the room, the first thing that was in my mind was Tyler, I was in a panic attack again, all I could see was the flashbacks of what happened when I was half way passed out.
I slide down the wall on my back and brought my knees to my chest and cried. What the hell is happening to me, my life is falling apart all because of event, but that one event ruined my life. How was I going to face my dad, I was his perfect daughter and now I am some dirty slut. My breathing started to pick up as I found it harder and harder to breath. Then I was pulled into Josh, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me on his lap. He was on the floor now too, he ran his fingers through my hair, “Shh, baby it's alright, just breath,” he kept whispering. A few minutes later my breathing was slowly going back to normal, I had the hiccups from crying, I talked with my face still in his chest, “I'm sorry.” I softly said between breaths. He pulled away so he could see my face, “sorry for what? You didn't do anything wrong,” He said with a worried look. I face palmed, quite hard might I add, “Yes I did... Look at me Josh, i'm a broken nobody. My dad is going to hate me because i'm not perfect anymore, I am a fucking whore who was freaking raped and nobody will be able to accept me anymore. I can't face my dad after this, I can't even go back to my house, let along look Zac in the face. I am nothing but a broken mess,” And with that the tears started flowing again.
Josh held me close again, “Morgan, your dad isn't going to hate you. You are still that perfect girl in his eyes, nothing will change that, you couldn't have controlled what happened, no one could... And look at me,” He paused and pulled my face up to look at him, “You are not a whore alright. Don't even think one second you are. And nobody hates you, I love you, Zac will always love his little sister, the boys all love you and so do Kass and Allison,” he says with a smile, “You are so perfect you have no idea. Sure you might be broken, but everything that is broken can be fixed,” he wiped away my tears with his thumb. Everything he just said brought me to reality, he was right, people still loved me, my friends, my family. But they are all hurting I know deep down, and I can't change it. “Morgan, please just accept what happened, and move on. I will move on if it mean you will. I swear I won't lay one hand on Tyler or anyone, I just want you to be happy again baby,” He says as he runs another hand through my hair and kisses the top of my head.
Part 18
Start from the beginning
