Once Upon Online

chapter 108

"Did you tell anyone?" I ask. I didn't think Ryujin ever experienced something like that. She's always so positive, I feel like something like that could change someone's perspective in life.

"No, I don't know why didn't. It could be a combination of embarrassment and confusion. He wasn't like a bad person, he always treated me well before and after that. He shared his toys and snacks with me."

"After?" I ask. She still hung out with him after that?

"Yes. I didn't have the heart to stop hanging out with him. Oddly enough, I didn't sense any sort of malice when he did that. To me, it felt like he was confused too."

"You felt that even as a young kid?" I ask.

"Maybe not at the moment but looking back, I felt bad for him. His parents were never around. He was constantly being taken care of by nannies. They moved a lot so he never had anything consistent in his life. He struggled to make friends so I was his only friend. I don't know what pushed him to do that but I think he was looking for affection and attention from anyone. I'm not saying what he did was right but I can see why he would confuse kissing like that as affection" she explains.

"How do you do that? How can you take something that could be traumatizing and turn it into something positive?" I ask.

"It could have traumatized me. I am seeing a therapist" she chuckles.

"You know what I mean, you still hung out with him even after he did that" I say.

"Not everyone who does something bad are bad people. You can usually tell when someone is just not a good person or someone is good person but they're hurting or they feel something but don't know how to handle it so they act out. Like Dana for example, he's just a bad person. No matter how you look at it, his actions are on his accord and refuses to correct it when someone points it out. The boy that kissed me did end up apologizing later on. I found out during that time, he was gonna have a younger brother" she pauses.

"You might think that's not a big deal but for him it is. He barely got enough time with his parents and now he had so share it with someone else. Again, it doesn't make it okay but I understood he was hurting."

"How old you were you?"

"Around 8 or 9?"

"Wow" is all I can say.

"Have you ever hated anyone?" I ask. I'm genuinely curious.

"I don't know about hate but I've disliked people before but now I try not to" she starts rubbing my back.

"Why? How do you stop that?" I ask.

"It wasn't easy at first but I've come to realize, disliking people or holding grudges against them hurts me more than it hurts them. Me disliking them doesn't affect them whatsoever but me disliking affects my mental health so over time I've learned to try to let things go" she explains.

"I will never understand how you're real. Your perspective in life and in people. How are you real?" I genuinely ask.

"I'm not that great. I still have moments where I let anger get the best of me or I become too impatient. It's human to feel negative things too. Everyone goes through different things in life but I think your surroundings makes a difference on how someone can perceive life. If you're surrounded by negative people then you'll most likely see life in a negative light and vice versa. As I grow older, I started to cut off those negative people in my life."

"Then why did you stay with me? I'm pretty negative" I tell her.

"There's a difference between people who chooses to be negative because they don't want to take accountability of the decisions they made in life to land them where they are now and someone who suffered all their life" she starts.

"Your negative view in life wasn't because you're choosing to see things that way. You had the right to see the world in a bad way since you experienced things people shouldn't have at a young age. You can't get out of that funk that easily. Tell me, how do you see your life now?" She suddenly ask.

That took me a second to process because how do I see life right now? It's been so long since I last felt my heart ache because I was disappointed or someone has hurt me or just because I hated myself.

"I feel like it's too good be true" I answer honestly.

"You, the upcoming wedding, the kids, our future. I feel like it's too good to be true because I'm happy. I genuinely feel happy but I'm also scared that it's gonna get taken away and the pain will be 100 times worse than what I've ever felt before."

"That's normal and can be a good thing" she chuckles.

"To be scared?" I ask.

"Mhm. Loving someone is scary in general. Putting your trust in someone is also scary. Not knowing what's gonna happen is another scary thing. But being scared can make us cherish and appreciate moments in our lives. Like right now, I cherish this moment because of the unknown in the future. Being scared means you have something that you value and that's not bad, I don't think."

"You're scared too?" I ask.

"Of course I am but I try not to dwell on it. I just enjoy every moment I have with you and the kids" she kisses the top of my head.

"You make me want to be better but it's weird. Before I want to be better for you but now I want to be better for you and me."

"Hey, look at me" she uses her index finger and thumb to tilt my head up to look at her, "I'm so proud of everything you've overcome and I wish nothing but happiness for you. My goal is for you to see yourself how I see you. A strong independent woman. A caring and understanding mother. A loving partner."

I scoot up to get closer to her. We share a long passionate kiss. We slowly pull away with our faces still close. I slowly open my eyes to find her staring at me with so much adoration.

"I love you" I whisper.

"I love you more" she gives me a short kiss then I bury my head in her neck.