Bellamione - Possible ♡

Chapter 11 - Thoughts

"What's wrong with me? What's going on? What-" Hermione's thoughts are interrupted by Bellatrix's voice: "Uh, let me guess... you liked that and you want me to do it again."
"No!" answers the girl while something in her head whispers a clear "Yes."
"Well, pet, I guess anyway you'll have to wait. Now take two dishes from the cupboard and cutlery from that drawer."

Hermione searches where the woman pointed and finds what's needed. Shyly she places the items on the kitchen table while Bellatrix takes a pan off the fire and starts shedding its content into the dishes.
She sits down and tells the girl to do the same.
She obeys and tries to start a conversation to break the awkward silence: "Beans with tomato sauce... I l-love them..."
"Glad to know." answers Bellatrix coldly.
After a few minutes of eating in silence Hermione tries to talk again: "Uhm... I-I really needed this m-meal... it's d-delicious... so pleasant..."
"Pet, soon you'll change your opinion about what's really pleasant."
"What- okay, maybe it's better if I shut up." thinks the girl.
After lunch Bellatrix leads Hermione back to the living room.
"I have to go for some time, in the while you can read or even sleep. You can find some books next to the fireplace, there." explains the woman "I'll lock you in here so if you need the toilet tell me now..."
"I'm f-fine, thanks, mistress..."
"Good pet. Now, last thing: don't you dare trying to escape, you don't want to know what happens if you try to. Bye bye, girl!" she says locking the doors "See you soon!" she adds with a smirk, then disappears.

Hermione, finally alone, tries to calm herself down.
These last days look like a dream to her.
She feels derealized. So much has happened that she feels like nothing is going to happen anymore.
The pain and fear she experienced had been so intense and made her feel so much alive that now, in contrast, she feels like everything is fake, far and unreal.
It's natural, it's a coping mechanism.
It's keeping her from going insane.

Hermione looks around then walks to the shelf. There are so many old books...
She had already heard a few names but the most are new to her.
One of those she already knows is The 20 Most Hurtful Curses: How To Cast And Avoid Them. She had seen it in the forbidden section of the Hogwarts library and always wished to read it but never did.
"I guess this is the right time to take a look, maybe I'll know what Bellatrix does to me and I'll be able to help myself..." she thinks "...well, without wand it's going to be hard... but better knowing anyway."
She picks the book up and sits on the closer settee, opens it at a random page and reads the first sentence. Suddenly reading becomes impossible as plenty of thoughts overlap in her head: when is Bellatrix coming back? What is she doing right now? What is she gonna do once she's back? What is she going to do the next days?
She tries her best to shut them up and re-reads the first sentence of the page.
The thoughts come back. She tries to ignore them and starts reading again.
After she realizes she's reading the same word for the fifth time she closes the book, hopeless.
"Damn! What the Hell! I can't even read!" she says to herself before laying on the settee and closing her eyes, so exhausted.