fall again

chapter seven

In this world, the universe could give you someone opposite or someone just like you. And oftentimes, it doesn't end well. A question that people would always like to ask is their worth, if they ever had worth to someone they love.

Even if they already know what it would be.

"Have you ever been in love?" Karina blankly stared at her mother. She could smell reeking alcohol from her and with how she delivered her words, Karina could tell she was drunk. "Because I have."

To tell you frankly, Karina and her mother's relationship can be described as decent. Decent in terms of affection, decent in terms of care, decent in terms of communication. It wasn't the best but it was better than her and her dad's relationship. Today was one of those days where Karina and her mother would talk with each other.

Growing up, Karina got used to how Karina's mom would always reek with alcohol, there were only two reasons for it. One, her father. Two, her parents. Karina always felt like she was her own reflection.

She and her mother were in the living room, lightning flashing outside making the dark night lit up. Her father wasn't home just yet. No — he was never home. Even if Mrs. Yoo was already too drunk, she still had two bottles of whatever liquor she bought at the store.

The glass of wine was on her hands, gripping on it tighter while she asked Karina questions that were personal. Like falling in love. "You know, your father was the only person that I loved." She drank from the glass, not leaving any liquid in it. "And I regret that."

"Why do people keep on falling for someone who'll only hurt them at the end? Why am such a fool thinking that he'd love me like how he loved her? Why do I keep on thinking that he'd change someday?"

Her words suddenly felt like it was meant for her to ask because just like her mother, she just how to beg for someone to lover her, she thought she'd change too but she never really did.

Those words pierced Karina's heart. She turned her head up and saw how her eyes that were once filled with euphoria was now saturated with tears. "Karina, why can't your father ever love me?"

She looked at her, "Why can't he ever love you?"

Karina opened her mouth, indicating that she was about to say something but quicky closed it. She couldn't answer that question. There was no way in hell she'd want to answer that question. Karina's vision of her mother drowning herself in alcohol shifted in an unforeseen matter.

Screams and cries of a girl can be heard from the hospital room. The sudden announcement of her mother's death made her sullen, made her broken, like how her fragile and bruised heart just became more shattered. Its pieces already long gone.

But that feeling changed. Upon seeing a tall male enter the room with another person, she discerned into anger. She felt someone grip her arm tightly but brushed it off. She went out of the room and the next thing she knew, she woke up.

Fuck.

What a dream.

Karina panted heavily as she felt her sweat on her forehead. She had those dreams again, those dreams about her mother and that particular event. Those exact words, the exact pain, everything was just the same. It would always haunt Karina.

She closed her eyes again and a vision of Minjeong kissing Minju was what she saw. Unknowingly, her tears started coming to circle her eyes. Before a tear could drop, she rashly sat up and sighed.

After Karina fixed her bed, she went out of room just to come across a deserted house with a note from her grandmother.

Sweetheart, I'm at my friend's house. I'll be staying here for the mean time. I won't be back until next week Sunday. Take care of yourself. There's food and money in there if you need it. Always lock the doors, alright? I love you.