Shadows (Book 2 of the Zara's Wolf Trilogy) BWWM

18. Coming Undone

I excuse myself and hurry to our room. I need a moment to think this all over. This is all too much for me to take in. I never anticipated for a moment how serious everything is.

I remember Alicia's words from yesterday afternoon, how this should be a time for celebration. I thought she was talking about the feast. I never expected that the real reason for celebrating was supposed to refer to her pregnancy. She should be happy, thrilled even, about it, but she can't because of the threat of rogues.

A curse escapes my lips as I sit down on the edge of the bed and bury my face in my hands.

About ten or fifteen minutes later, Evan slips into the room and eases down beside me. His shoulder brushes against mine, but he makes no other move other than to lace his fingers together in front of him and lean his elbows on his knees.

The silence carries on, and I appreciate him being there while at the same time giving me the space I need to mentally process everything. There are moments when I pound my fist onto the mattress, followed by the sting of tears behind my eyes.

Alicia will make a wonderful mother, and to have that taken from her three times before must have been so hard on her. How did she cope with that? How did Rick cope with that? Evan hinted that Rick had a rough upbringing, so the news of each lost baby must have hit him hard as well.

"Who else knows about this?" I ask, finally breaking the silence between us.

"About what?"

"Ali being pregnant. About losing..." I can't even finish my sentence as my throat locks up.

"Probably all the alphas and higher ranking shifters."

"Keith too?"

"Probably."

I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep, shuddering breath. If Keith knows, maybe that's why he's been acting strangely as well? He's always the one to try and lighten the mood when things are tense, but even he must struggle to cope with things sometimes-especially when it comes to his sister. Even though they bicker at times, it's obvious that they are very close. He can't always be the comedian.

Deep down, even comedians are sensitive souls, I think as I remember Keith's forlorn look at the cabin last week.

Sighing, I rest my head on Evan's shoulder. "I wish we could just go home now."

He kisses my forehead. "Me too."

"Ali will feel better when we leave too. This is too much stress for her. It can't be good for the baby."

"I'm sure it isn't."

My stomach twists painfully into knots. I want so much to help Alicia in any way I possibly can, but I know it's out of anyone's control whether her body keeps the baby or rejects it.

What if it doesn't keep the baby? How many more must she lose before she can carry one to term? What if she never carries one to term?

My breath hitches in my throat.

"Hey," Evan whispers as I start sobbing softly. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to him, placing his hand behind my head and coaxing it to rest in the curve of his neck. "It'll be okay."

Through my sniffling, I can't smell him, which upsets me even more.

Evan continues to pat my head and rub my back until I've settled down. It isn't easy though, as I keep picturing Alicia and her face beaming as she cradles a baby swaddled in blankets in her arms and looking like the happiest person in the world.

She deserves that. She'll make an amazing mother, and I can't bear the thought of that being taken away from her. I may have only known Alicia for about two months, but I knew from the moment I met her that I would like her.