Just a Little Kindness || JiLix slow burn

8.

No one had heard a thing from Jisung for another week. For all the other members knew, he was dead. But after Felix’s encounter with him, no one bothered to check. They all left the Malaysian boy in his room, with no updates on his state at all. 

Jisung was the same way. He had left his room twice. Late at night when everyone was sleeping to get something to eat because he knew he couldn't starve himself forever. At this point though he was thinking about it. He was tired of living in a world where no one cared. The only thing that kept him going was scrolling through his phone and seeing Stay’s kind messages. They were wondering why he wasn’t posting on social media and he felt bad he was keeping them waiting. He fixed himself up a little and took two pictures, uploading them for Stays. The comments and likes came rolling in the second the post was up. He smiled as he read them. It was nice to know he had fans, but they only supported him because he was in Stray Kids, and at this point, he didn’t even feel like a member anymore. He sighed and put his phone down, curling up in his bed and hugging his pillow. 

The members felt their phones going off with the constant notifications from Instagram, and when they checked they were all surprised to see a post from Jisung. He looked fine. 

“See. There was no reason to worry about him. He’s probably just keeping up this act for attention,” Hyunjin said as he waved his phone for the members to see. 

“Of course he is. That brat. He just wants people to pity him,” Felix muttered, shoving his phone back into his pocket. 

Jeongin glanced over at Felix, a small pout on his lips. He kept quiet, not daring to say anything that went against what his hyungs said. He felt bad for Jisung, but he would never tell anyone else that. He knew that Jisung wasn’t ok. He knew that Jisung had probably made himself look fine so as to not worry Stays. He wouldn’t bring that thought up to the others, though. He couldn’t. He had to blend in with the crowd. 

Jeongin scoffed a little and nodded. “Yeah...He’s such an attention seeker.” 

Jisung’s mind was swirling with different thoughts. Thoughts of new music were shot down with his feelings of uselessness. Thoughts of doing lives for Stay were shot down by the fear of the other members joining. Thoughts of hurting himself were shot down by nothing. He had been thinking of hurting himself for a while now. He had always pushed the thought to the back of his mind. He knew it wouldn’t solve anything. He knew that hurting himself would only make things worse. But now that Felix had just snapped at him, he felt it was the only thing he could do to take his mind off the mental pain. Felix was the only one keeping him going this far. He felt that Felix had cared about him, even if it was only for a little while. He genuinely had hope and that hope was squashed by just a few words. Jisung stood up from his bed, his legs carrying his body without him telling them to. He had no more thoughts, he was acting without thinking. He walked into his bathroom, his hands already knew what to do as if they had done it a million times before. He held his razor in his hand, staring at it as though it were a foreign object. The whole thing was an out-of-body experience. He watched himself in the mirror in front of him as he picked up the razor and connected the cold blade with the now pale skin on his wrists. He had no control over his hands, over his body. He was simply watching as his body moved on its own. He felt the stinging pain of the cuts he made. For a little while, the physical pain blocked out all of the mental and emotional pain he was feeling. The stinging in his wrists was more overwhelming than the words replaying in his mind. It was relaxing to finally let go of his thoughts. 

The only thing that brought Jisung back to reality was seeing the blood drip into the sink. It was so quiet that he heard the drop as the crimson liquid hit the dry and clean porcelain. He stared at his blood in the sink for a little while, coming back to his senses. 

“What did I just do?” He mumbled to himself. 

There was soon a harsh knock at the door and he heard Seungmin’s voice from the other side. 

“Come on, bitch get ready we have places to be, do you not remember?” The younger yelled at him.

Jisung had forgotten. They had to do the music video reaction and then a performance that day. They were about to release the music video for Thunderous and the rest of the tracks were dropping as well. They would be doing a lot of performing now that the comeback was coming out. He quickly took a shower and bandaged up his wrists. He didn’t bother to fix his hair. He knew the stylists would do that. When he was done, he left his room and walked out to the others. It had been over a week since they had all been together like that. It was strange. Jisung felt awkward. They all did. Some of the members glanced at the bandages on his wrist, but no one said anything as they all walked out the door.