Just a Little Kindness || JiLix slow burn

16.

It was the day before Jisung's birthday and Jisung was absolutely dreading it. He didnt care that it was his birthday. what he dreaded about it was that the next day, he would see the members celebrating Felix's birthday. he wasnt upset that Felix would get the attention, no, he was used to that. what he was upset about was that he couldnt share his birthday with Felix like they had done in the past. the members used to throw them surprise birthday parties and they would spend their birthdays together. Jisung would stay up all night with Felix so at exactly 12am he could say happy birthday.

Jisung missed that more than anything. Jisung missed spending time with his twin and sharing cake and hearing the members speed through both of their names while singing 'Happy Birthday'. he knew he would never get that back and that upset him more than anything. The two were turning 21 this year. he knew the members would do something big for Felix turning the big '2-1'. Jisung wanted to be there to celebrate it with him but he felt so out of place that he couldnt even bring himself to leave his room.

It was 11:40pm. Jisung listened to the tick of the clock on his wall. Seconds passed and with every second Jisung felt a little bit of his left over happiness drift away. the closer it got to his birthday the more sick to his stomach he felt. he wished it was possible to skip a day.

"If I killed myself tomorrow that would be funny, wouldnt it?"

Jisung wasnt even surprised at the words that came out of his mouth. before, he would be shocked that he thought such a thing. but now it didnt phase him. the thought was actually tempting.

"Killing myself on my birthday. how ironic," He giggled, however his laughter was empty.

he lifted up his arms, holding them up so he could see them in his laying down position. he examined his wrists. there were no scars. it was like he had never done anything to hurt himself. His pale skin was like porcelain, no scratches or marks, it was beautiful...but it was so easily breakable. when he cut himself for the first time, he had realized how easily the blade slid across his skin. how quickly he was able to damage something once so clean and pure. yet it healed over like nothing happened. People would say he was lucky. he could do it again and again and again without worry of scarring.

Jisung let these thoughts go through his mind without bothering to was them away. he was too tired to act on them anyway. 11:58...11:59...the ticking clock continued, and soon he looked at the hands of the clock and they read 12:00. Jisung sighed and closed his eyes. he was ready to drift off to sleep, wanting to sleep for the entire day before hearing a knock on his door.

Jisung sat up and just stared at the door. he waited, assuming it was his imagination. the sound came again, soft knocks at the door.

"Yes?" he asked.

The door opened and Felix appeared behind it. he held 2 small plates in his hands. he walked inside, shut the door behind him and sat on the bed with Jisung.

"Happy birthday," He said quietly, putting one of the plates on Jisung's lap.

Jisung stared at the plate. it held a small cupcake, clearly made from scratch by Felix. it had a candle in the middle of it which Felix lit with a lighter he had brought with him. On Felix's plate was the same cupcake, just with a candle as well. Felix started to quietly sing 'Happy birthday'. In the middle he stopped and looked at Jisung.

"Sing with me, birthday twin," He said, smiling at Jisung.

"Happy birthday dear Jisung and Felix," Felix sang.

Upon hearing the line, Jisung broke down. It was insane how a simple song could cause him to start sobbing, but here he was sobbing over the Happy Birthday song. Felix took both plates, put them on the floor and moved closer to Jisung. he rubbed the older's back and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Jisung soon stopped crying and just kept his head down.

"Jisung, I am so sorry. I know that a simple apology wont undo the torture we've put you through for 2 years now but I mean it. i care about you so much, Jisung. I dont know why i fed into the others. I wish I hadnt gotten so upset with you that day and stayed with you after that panic attack. it wasn't your fault. you had every right to be angry with me and I took it and made myself the victim. I allowed myself to snap at you when I knew you had every right to be upset even after I tried to help you. But Jisung, I'm here now. I never hated you. I wish I was as strong as Jeongin is...he had the courage to come to you even if it meant being hated by the members. we all know he comes to you, Jisung. Hes not very good at hiding it. I wish I couldve been like him. but I wasnt. I'm weak, jisung. all I can do is sit here with you and apologize; apologize for everything I've put you through for these past 2 years. I am so sorry, Jisung," Felix went on and on, tears coming to his eyes as he spoke.

Jisung was crying too. he hugged Felix tightly, his arms wrapping around Felix's neck as he sobbed into his shoulder. Felix smiled and hugged Jisung just as tightly back, swaying them slightly and playing with Jisung's hair.

"I'm not going to hurt you anymore. I'm not going to be a coward anymore. I'll be there for you from now on. I promise. if all I can do to make up for it is be there, then to make up for it all, i'll give you just a little kindness."