closed doors (Alex Gaskarth fanfic)

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TRIGGER WARNING
*Skylar'sPOV*
its been about a month since me and Alex got together. every minute with him as been amazing. his bands getting more popular, Alex and I have been spending more time together and with the boys. everything is just great. my phone dinged on the side table with a text from 'blocked' that read 'call me.'. I sighed and slid out of Alex's grip. I didn't bother putting on pants, I grabbed my phone and went downstairs to the kitchen. I made some coffee, seeing as it was 2am and I was not wanting to be awake right now. I stared at my phone, sipping my coffee. should I answer it. he's probably just gonna yell at me for something, or maybe it's important. it was nagging me. I finally picked up my phone and selected the number. my hand was shaking so hard. I placed the phone against my ear, gulping as the phone stopped ringing. "Skylar?" he called me quietly. "Hi dad." he sighed a sigh of relief. "Skylar, I'm so glad you answered. how are you do-" "Dad, I'm really not in the mood for small talk about the weather and shit like that. why did you call me? or want me to call you?" I really didn't want to talk to him right now. "Fine. I just thought I'd let you know that your sister is dead. She got in a car wreck and her car went off the road. I know that you never liked her, but I loved her. I wouldve called earlier, but I just found out she passed. The funeral is on the 11th if youre interested. Good morning, asshole." the call ended but i didnt pull my phone away from my ear. I sat there, frozen, listening to the dial tone. My sister is dead. I was a bitch to her. I avoided her when she needed me after mom died. I never let her talk to me about her problems. I never told her I loved her. All I've ever done was shut her out and tell her about what a horrible person she was. I can never apologize. I fell into a ball on the floor, tears strolling down my face. How could i have been so blind?! I went to grab my phone from its previous place on the counter,  and I saw the knives. I grabbed the first one I could reach and looked at it. I threw it on the ground. What am i thinking? That never did anything for me. I stared at it, overwhelmed with everything, I remembered the temporary sensation of it. The trickles of blood that would escape.I grabbed it and slowly brought it to my wrist. I made one little scrape, but then my mind got the best of  me. I just striked my arm over and over again with every guilty thought I had in my mind. Eventually everything was turning fuzzy. I stood up shaky and grabbed the gause out of the drawer. I ran some water on the cuts to clean them. They were so ugly. I applied the gause and took a pain relief pill. I sat on the counter, finishing my coffee, feeling weak. I'm used to cleaning myself up. I went to the bedroom at around 3am and put on some sweat pants. I went to the bathroom, and applied some makeup to cover up the fact I've been crying. I laid on the couch and watched some TV. I remembered that my sister had died, and I laid there,  thinking of all the things I should've done before she had died. I cried myself to sleep, not even trying to climb back into bed with Alex.