Fifty Shades of Commitment

7- not edited

"God I missed you.." I speak without hesitation, because it's the truth.

"How have you been? Where were you? I've been worried sick!"

"The last two months have been... Hard. And even that would be an understatement. Living in the streets is far more complex than I thought."

"W.. What? You have been living in the streets?"

"It's not like I had anywhere else to go. Atleast not without you knowing."

"But how have you been eating?"

Food was, and still is, a personal topic to Christian, and taking in account that he went through starvation himself, it's normal he's been worried sick. I gotta admit though, his worry is a huge turn on.

Stop it Ana, you're supposed to be emotionally broke, not drooling over how hot your cheating husband is.

"I managed myself."

Silence broke into our ears, and Christian raised his eyebrow over his wasted, red-rimmed and desolated eyes, as if wanting me to explain further into the matter.

"I only ate twice a week. I mostly scavenged through containers."

"Oh my god.. Ana, this is all my fault.."

"Don't stress about it. Tell me. How have you been?"

"Just the same as you, if not worse. I've not left our bedroom-"

"Your and Paige's bedroom" I correct.

He bows his head down in disappointment.

"-our bedroom since you left. I haven't been in the company because I couldn't find the courage to leave. Most of the time I was just looking at our pictures.." His eyes radiate sincerity, so I believe him. Most people in my position would've already castrated the bastard, but even after all he had put me through, I felt simpathy for him, Sure, I held and still hold a grudge for him cheating on me, but that'll come later. Right now, it's just me and him.

Us.

"Oh Christian.."

I decide to hug and comfort him.

"Tell me more about how you've been." He asks, dugging information out of me.

"I'd be lying if I told you I was fine."

In all honesty, those were the most painful days of my life, and my fears of being murdered by a gang turned to wishes of it actually happening. All I wanted was peace, and death seamed promising. More than promising..

"I know... Ana, can we.. meet tonight?"

My face went blank. I have no idea what to do.

"Christian, I.." I trail off.

"Please." He begs, staring into me.

"Uhm.. I.. I.. What if we make a deal?" I propose.

"A deal?" He asks doubtfully, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, uhm.. You go to work today, and I'll have dinner with you tonight...?"

"Really?" He squeals with excitement, slowly closing his mouth from the formed 'o' shape.

"Really." I reply truthfully. "We'll talk later okay?"

"Of course Ana. Go take a bath and stay here, I'll be back in some hours."

"I'll accept the bath proposal as I've not had any proper ones since... you know.. But I'll pass on on staying here, too many memories... And plus, I also have to go talk to your family. No point in continuing with the 'missing person' posters."

"Yeah o.. okay. I'm so sorry for all I've done. I don't know if it's too early or it hurts too much, but just know I love you. I love you so much Ana. So, so, so much, especially after all that happened. Just know that I love you, and I know you might not be ready to say it back or even believe or accept my words, but believe me when I say they are not just mere words. I. Love. You."

I look down at my shoes, unsure of what to answer. As much as he hurt me, I always will love him unconditionally. All I wanted right now was to cuddle with him while watching a movie, then we would make out in between and I would hug him so tight that he'd be choking to death. That's all I desired or needed in life to be at peace, but unfortunately things don't work out like that. I want to completely alienate the memory that literally broke my heart into a million tiny tiny pieces,  but I can't. I just can't. I want to so bad, but... but... Even though my heart is practically yeling uncontrollably for me to confirm my undeniable love for him at the top of the mountains, screaming my lungs out, I... I can't let my guard down. I did that once and I sure as hell won't allow it that easily. So instead of the warming and comforting answer I wanted so so bad to give him, I gave him a blank stare, completely avoiding his statement.

"Yeah, uhm, we'll talk later."

With that, I rush towards the bathroom without so much of a goodbye or something along those lines, turning the knock as quickly as possible, and allowing the doors to, mercifully, close.

~~~~~~

my shittiness as a writer is so big it pains me.

so much for trying to create a cool fanfic.

anyways, see you monday MUCHACHOS