Fifty Shades of Commitment

6- not edited

My breathing is heavy and my now red-rimmed eyes are immensely tired from all the sobbing. How could Christian do this? He fucked the woman whose brother tried to rape, kill and kidnap me.. Doesn't he have any sort of self-respect? Is it all about the pleasure now? I'm still in shock.

The mornings seem to be taking devilous twists more often now, and it sure displeases me. Since I'm an emotional wreck right now, as my mind is occupied with so many different thoughts about the same person, I find myself roaming around Seattle, and as I finally regain conciousness, I see myself in front of the infamous ESCALA building, the name shining in neon lights, enlightening most of Seattle's grey clouds and foggy skies. I found myself loved in here before. Now.. That love goes to Paige...

I decide that now is the time for answers, and Christian better give me those answers. I want to know the honest, simple truth, even though I'm sure it won't be that easy. It will be both hard for Christian to say it and for me to handle it, but the reality is that we are adults whose actions have consequences that have to be dealt with.

Surprisingly, there is no one at the reception, probably because since Christian's emotional wreck no one started paying him visits that much, apart from his family, which allows me to quickly enter the light speed-like elevators. I press all the necessary buttons in a rush, like if life depended on it, and soon I am being literally ejected into the clouds.

My mind is a whirlpool of thoughts. What will Christian say to me? How will he look? Will he even refuse to speak with me in my condition?

The elevator makes an unexpected noise notifying me that we have reached the desired floor, breaking away my thoughts. And I giggle, for the first time in two months, remembering how annoying both me and Christian always thought the sound was.

ESCALA looks, surprisingly, devasted. As if multiple tornados had spinned in here, in this floor only. Couches upside down, glass spreaded on the floor, bottles scattered into a milion peaces, just like my heart. Even though this devastian is surprising, it's obvious who did it. Even though Gail quit, I did think that she would look out for him, but it doesn't look like it. Has he been with that girl he loved, Paige? He obviously did, but I doubt it was here.

My hands are mostly just skin and shakiness. I can't stop though, just the thought that the person I love the most in life is a room next to me makes my stomach erupt into a mass of butterflies..

Seeing nobody here is revealing, because I could swear that Grace, worried with Christian, would come here everyday, but maybe not at this time.

"Christian?" I softly call.

"Christian!" I repeat, this time yelling, but not too loud.

My faces bows down in disapointment with the lack of answers from the other side. As I turn around to leave, heading for the elevator, I hear it. I hear the voice. That voice.

"A..Ana?"

Oh Christian.

As I turn around to face him, I do the only thing logical to me right now, the thing I've been craving for months. I run to him like if a bear was behind me and jump on him, hugging and kissing him with all the force and passion in the world. I can feel his smile against my lips, and with our tongues locking with each other, not fighting for power this time, I realize how much I love him. And in a few minutes we are in a full make out session, our tongues locking with each other, not fighting for power, but just itching for each other's touch. Right now, our lips are saying everything we can't say with words.

As much as I want to take this matter into bed, I can't do so right now. Right now, talking is much more important than sex.

As we both release ourselves from each other, in the need of air, I don't lean in again. We need to talk.

"I'm so sorry.. So so sorry.." He sobs and cries and it tears my heart apart, so I hug him once more, reassuring him that everything will be okay.

But I'm not really sure of that.