Fifty Shades of Commitment

3- not edited

As we continue staring at each other, in a way some would call awkward, but perfectly normal to us, the reality decides that now is the best time to haunt me, bringing back all the memories of this hellish morning. Ironic how in 30 minutes we learned more about each other than in these past five months he's been with.. her.

I slowly start taking steps backwards when Chrisitan acknowledges that this is the best time to discuss something that has probably been bugging his head all this time, knowing him the way I do.

"Ana, you don't have to leave. I can stay in a hotel."

"I'm sure you can, Christian. But I'm still leaving."

"Why? I will not be here to remind you of my unfaithfulness."

"This house, in fact every house we own is full of memories. Since I will be reduced to nothing but some pathetic girl whose heart was broken by the almighty Christian Grey, I'm not really looking forward to feeding that idea I have of myself by staying here. So no Christian, I wouldn't be able to cope with all of that. I can't live with the ghosts."

"Ana, please don't think so bad about yourself. If there's someone you should be blaming, it's me."

"I just wonder if you were thinking about me in any way.. Have you forgotten how hard we worked for years trying to improve my horrible self-esteem? And your self-abhorrence? Do you have any idea how many steps backwards we have taken with this?"

"I do Ana, and I'm truly sorry. I'm so sorry. You are everything I need, everything I want you to be. Believe that I truly wish you could know everything."

"Know what?"

"N...Nothing..."

"Christian, I deserve to know the truth. Whatever you say right now will either keep me here with you or make me leave. This is your choice."

"Just know that I couldn't risk you safety or my family's safety. And that's the maximum you'll get from me. Ana, I love you so much, but if keeping you or my family safe involves you leaving that door, then so be it. I'd rather see you with an emotional pain rather than with a physical one."

"Are you stupid? The physical pain is nothing, nothing compared to this devastation.."

"Oh Ana..."

And before I can react to all this information, the morning takes another turn I had not expected. The door opens, and Taylor awkwardly walks to Christian.

"Mr. Grey, I would like you to know that both me, Mrs. Jones and Sawyer are all quitting our jobs."

What?

"Oh for fucks sake" - Christian moans. "And what is the cause?"

"As you know, you had installed cameras into all of your rooms. As we were doing our daily check, we noticed your behaviour with that woman and we just... How could you? You're a disgusting being, and you don't deserve the woman you have right there in front you. It makes us uncomfortable that you don't even look ashamed of your actions. Your loving wife just caught you being kissed by some woman, not to remind her of all you might have been doing with this bitch troll, under the same roof as her, and you're not even ashamed of it? We can't work with someone we don't respect."

"We respected your lifestyle because you weren't failing promises and breaking wedding vows to other people. But this.. This is different. You are married. You should be thinking about having kids withAnastasia, not having sex with some other woman. This is really disturbing. We were going to encourage Anastasia to leave this house, but it seems like you've already done that. And apparently it's not even for Ana's pain, it's for the fucking gold-digging slut that you fuck every Wednesday. You are not 34 years old, and you sure as hell aren't a man. We will not tolerate this type of behaviour. You and that woman deserve each other. Just remember something: a woman that will cheat with you, will cheat on you."

Holy fucking hell. Even Christian is shocked. All he manages to say is "Very well."

"I want to leave." I surprise everyone with my sudden tone of voice. They can feel the anger in my once loving, now red and tired blue eyes. This is it. This is the reality. And my monossylabic answer clear everyone's minds. "Now."

I make my way up to our bedroom and start packing up my things. I'm crying uncontrollably. What will be of me? I do what I never thought I would do since my wedding: I take my wedding ring off of my middle finger and leave it on top of a note adressed to Paige, mentioning that the ring is now hers. While packing up, I head for the wardrobe and retrieve the clothes I bought with my own money. Everything else, everything Christian bought me... is now Paige's.

As I make my way downstairs, I look once again at the office and let the memories enlighten me. I refuse to stay here. I can't. All he brings me is pain. Deep inside I know I love him, more than anything in this world, but my hate towards not him but his actions grows bigger and bigger as my thoughts proceed to self-destruct me. Had I not been enough? I'm ashamed that I, as a wife, didn't realize what I needed to do to keep my husband happy, to the point where something like this happened. I'm ashamed to think that people will blame Christian when deep inside I know it's my fault.

"WAIT!"

I feel someone grab my wrist. I could recognize these hands anywhere.

"Wh.. What do you wa..nt?" I ask between sobs, my heart breaking itself into even tinier milion pieces. My body is iching for his touch, for his soothing words that always seem to calm me.

"Please Ana. Let me explain. Please."

"There's noth... ing to expl-"

"Then can I ask you a favor? Please. That's all I'm asking."

"W...What?"

"Kiss me hard before you go. Please."

I really want to. I can feel my body unwillingly leaning in, but I can't. His lips were on some woman a few minutes ago. Even though I can't, I continue to lean in, and I can feel Christian's eyes begin to close, creating an intense attraction. To make things even more difficult, he licks his perfectly sculptured lips, to the point where we are just a milimeter away from each other. Nose to nose, eyes to eyes, lips to lips. I am being pulled into the deep void that is Christian Grey. On the last second, and saving myself from a kiss I wouldn't forgive myself if I couldn't resist, I take some steps backwards and exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding.

Dissapointment is evident in his face.

"You should ask Paige, I'm sure she'll be more than happy to fulfill your needs" I spat at him, before leaving.

As I make my way to Taylor's private car, I notice Christian looking at me through our once bedroom window, now theirs. I can't stop replaying that image of Paige having sex with my husband in my mind. I look back at him, and our gazes meet. We both let a tear run through our now pale cheeks. I smile at the memory of me kissing his unstoppable tears, only that now I'm not there to kiss them away. This is a goodbye. A goodbye to us.

As the car's engine starts and we head off the road, into nowhere, I look back at our house. It is getting smaller and smaller as we go. It reminds me of Christian's feelings towards me. How, during these 5 months, as he thought with his dick and not with his heart, distancing himself from me more and more each Wednesday, his feelings for me reduced and reduced, until they were nothing but a single dot in the horizon.

I don't look back again. Instead, I think at how ironic it is that even though he is one of the richest men in the world, he's so morally and emotionally bankrupt.